Agony aunt

Dear SW,

I'M a 40-something fabulous female with a penchant for impractical footwear and Big men. Since I'm in possession of both, you'd think I'd be blissfully content, but I'm never quite satisfied. You see, I've spent the past decade flitting from relationship to relationship, looking for everything from a bit of fun to The One.

I believe I may now have found him, but my problem is that he's never been the commitment type and I'm worried he's not going to go the distance. I've discussed this with my girlfriends at length, over several rounds of cosmopolitans, but all they want to talk about is the size of his manhood. While this makes for some witty one-liners, it doesn't solve my problem and I can't help wonder – should I stay or should I go?

Yours,

Fashionably shod,

Manhattan

Dear Fashionably shod,

Firstly, these impractical shoes you speak of sound highly inappropriate for chasing men. Get yourself down to Dr Scholl for some sensible footwear and maybe you'll be able to keep up with your Big man. Incidentally, just how big is he? When one of my suitors lets himself go and starts taking an extra Tunnock's tea cake with his Earl Grey, I will invariably let him go post-haste.

Now to the real issue at hand. Size, as they say, matters. I'm not talking about your friend's preoccupation with his appendage, but rather the size of his wallet. If his bank balance matches his moniker, I'd say he's a keeper.

You sound like a material girl, so forget commitment and take his credit card shoe-shopping. I hear there's a little-known Spanish shoe designer called Manolo Blah Blah, or something like that, who does a fabulous line in impractical footwear. I think you'd like him. Problem solved!

SW