IT LOOKED, on the surface at least, like a fairytale. An ancient Scottish castle, a sprinkling of snow, a dashing young groom in a kilt and, at the centre of it all, commanding everyone's attention, the snow queen. The wedding of Madonna and Guy Ritchie at Skibo Castle on 22 December 2000 was as magical an event as it is possible to have when the entire world's media are gawping through the window with their long lenses. There was the rumoured $250,000, 1910 diamond tiara loaned by Aspre
But now, in the spectacular style that only Madonna can bring off, the fairytale has crumbled and the snow queen is on the warpath. She even predicted the event herself at a concert in early September, 29 dates before the end of her tour, telling a c
onfused audience: "In exactly 29 moves, the queen will dump the king."
In the end, she couldn't wait that long. A terse statement was released on Wednesday, informing the public that "Madonna and Guy Ritchie have agreed to divorce after seven and a half years of marriage". But if this was all their representatives were willing to say on the matter, their bosses can't seem to keep their mouths shut. Appearing in concert in Boston on Wednesday night, Madonna clearly couldn't help herself, telling the audience before she sang her song Miles Away, originally written for Ritchie: "This song is for the emotionally retarded. Maybe you know some people who fall into that category. I know I do." Oooh.
Meanwhile, a glut of stories have started to leak out, suggesting that Madonna was furious with Ritchie for being "tight" with money; that he sponged off her enormous fortune (estimated at £300 million) rather than his own rumoured £30m; that he had refused to spend more time in New York with her or take her devotion to Kabbalah seriously, and had been unsupportive over her child-adoption plans. For his part, Ritchie is rumoured to have said that Madonna was a control freak with a "weird religion".
One source was quoted as saying: "No-one knows if this is going to be settled easily or turn into an absolute bloodbath. What started out as love has now ended with real acrimony. It's very, very sad."
Indeed it is. Not to say very, very fascinating. Because apart from anything else, haven't we seen it all before? There was Heather vs Paul, who called each other for everything; Charles vs Diana, who both gave their own very different versions of their marriage crises in public airings on television; Baldwin vs Basinger, another celebrity marriage that ended in recriminations and mudslinging, and, if you follow these things, Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen, a Hollywood couple who have turned their mutual namecalling into an art form, with leaked e-mails from Sheen to Richards revealing that he called her "a sad, jobless pig", while Richards responded by getting her own reality TV show devoted to moaning about him.
"There is no such thing as a good celebrity divorce," says Selina Julien, assistant editor of gossip magazine Now. "It's all about control and image. Both parties will be looking for public support and that's inevitably going to lead to name-calling."
Ciccone vs Ritchie could yet top them all. Ritchie is alleged to be furious that Madonna has already resorted to public mudslinging that seems to make him the villain of the piece. "All celebrities are incredibly insecure, don't forget that," says Julien. "They need public sympathy to keep them going and never more so when they're going through a divorce, particularly one that drags on."
Some suggest that the couple have been unofficially separated for as long as a year already, and also allege that while Ritchie may not be interested in Madonna's money, he is very concerned about their children, Lourdes, 12, whose father is Carlos Leon, Rocco, 8, and the adopted David Banda, 2 – as well as what the divorce may do to his own reputation. "Ultimately, you've got to think about who is the bigger star here," says Julien. "Who are we going to care about when all this is done and dusted?"
Something tells us that, while there may be no fairytale ending, it's the queen who will have the last laugh.
