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Since I'm Scottish and not British ,I don't care.
Wow! No two ways about it — ye'd have ta study. I wasn't quite sure on the House of Lords question (who are its members?) — if they expected you to name em all! Question 7 is dynamite. I've printed it out!
Some interesting questions in there. Why not add a few questions about David Hume and the British Empiricist movement, or quiz immigrants on the correspondence between Wittgenstein and Russell that exposed the paradox in the latter's set theorem.
We could be letting any old charlie into the country if these matters are not clarified upfront.
#3 Ha! Brilliant. The set of all sets is probably easier than this minutae!
Doubt if some members of BBC would get many marks on the Religion section. Some bright spark on Auntie's site wrote of Judas Iscariot receiving 12 pieces of silver. Wasn't until I e-mailed them assuming the identity of Judas they finally changed it to 30. Media Arts graduates, what would you do with um?“You want fries with that?”
#1 - absolutely agree and you are neither ignorant nor a bigot.
#5 - get a life !
Question 2 b) [or not 2 b)] :
"What languages other than English are spoken in Northern Ireland, Scotland and Wales?"
Would they expect people to list them all? I can think of dozens. Why don't they ask about languages other than English spoken in England?
My answer to 4 b) would be "Yes". This seems like a very poorly written test.
Having ploughed through the questions, I know I'd pass first time ... but it's a nonsense of course. How would knowing all that make you feel more British?? I know all of that and it doesn't make me feel British! I'm Scottish. I was born and brought up here and learned all that stuff going through life and certainly not in school. If I was 20, I doubt I could answer all the questions .... nor would I particularly care. Though I agree, the whole thing is very Anglo-centric. And being anti-monarchist and anti-religion, I don't particularly care about these questions. Plus I detest this "United Kingdom" for the name of the Islands we live on.
Does that make me less "British"?? Or an enema of the State? What a load of rubbish it all is! Whoever came up with it, and those who passed it as okay, are a complete waste of space!
#8 you are insular and narrow minded. There will never be independence (luckily) because too many people realise the benefits of being scottish and british. I am happy to be both.
Is the answer to 10 a) correct? I think I used £1 notes in Edinburgh last year.
1. UriahHeep, Edinburgh /8. The spook in Leith ----------------------------------------------------------
You two Dudes have mentalities no different from, the Islam fanatics who live by the Sharia Law.
You are not just parochial bigots, your mentality is a disaster receipt, for Scotland . Just like the Orange Men are for Ireland.
I can't believe such thinking people as you, live in Scotland.
You drag Scotland down with your fanatical mind set. JUst like the Red necks in my country the U.S. Bush and Cheney being two of them.
GC
5. Navvy / 2:36am 10 Aug 2007#1if you don't know the answers then you are an ignorant Scot and well as a bigot
11. Arthur C, manila / 3:52am 10 Aug 2007#8 you are insular and narrow minded. There will never be independence (luckily) because too many people realise the benefits of being scottish and british. I am happy to be both.
13. GalacticCannibal / 4:09am 10 Aug 20071. UriahHeep, Edinburgh /8. The spook in Leith ----------------------------------------------------------
The three post written above are entirely uncalled for. I have never met the any of those who you find "bigoted" or "parochial"and there is nothing in what they say which can justify the remarks.
The first one merely says he doesn't care, meaning I presume that if the French, Itialian, or American government had produced similar, he would similarly find it easy to ignore. Britain/England/UK is not his country.
The Spook says the same, and is clearly sick of the constant references to "Britain" in the present context, when it would be much more interesting to read about the 18th and 19th century migrations from the countryside to the midland cities of england and the impact of that migration on religious observences within the agricultural counties.
I'm sure he would be willing discuss his Ph.D thesis on the subject if you would care to ask.
Like #1, I'm Scottish, not British.
#5 how does this make me an "ignorant Scot" (sounds very racist) and a bigot?
#8 & 1 how I agree with you esp #8 - not quite so sur about the Celtic - I am an Aberdeen supporter !!
It is very concerning that so many Scottish people are so angry about any and every issue. We are lucky, we have a beautiful country, and the ability to run our mouths. When faced with a test that demands some knowledge of historical and current events, something we always claim the world is ignorant about, we get even more upset. We are still part of the UK. In order to move on you have to understand the entire structure you want to replace. Lets read a little, get educated or we are just a bunch of hooligans. Why get so upset about this test?
1 & 8,15,16,# Totally agree, Im Scottish not British and thats it! Bring on independence, even the unionists know its coming!
Well put, alexandermc #17. These are matters that anyone who calls himself or herself an active and involved citizen ought to know. Few of us, I think, will know all of these facts first hand. Many of our fellow citizens will know very little. The media have a responsibility to make sure they keep us informed, and articles like this help.
It is depressing, but predictable, to see the fanatical nationalists ("Hail, Hail", #8?) say "nothing to do with me - I'm Scottish", as if ignorance was something to be celebrated. They're like a wee toddler, proud of its first poo on it's own.
Yet even the most blinkered Scot Nat needs to know these things, even if it's to be able to think about the Scottish perspective.
And since a great deal of the basis of nationalism is to do with envy and a sense of grievance about the neighbour down south, they should know the English details, so they can mump and moan about how Scotland is either being done down, or is superior, in one way or another.
#13
WHAT UTTER CRAP Galactic cannibal, you just spew drivel, it just looks like you hate scottish people who believe in self determination. It's not a bad thing for people to believe in it's own people or their need to be part of a nation. You need guts, pride, ambition and endeavour to stand up for yourself and your country unlike gutless people like yourself!
You can have some real fun with this:1a) Very few, most people just manage to get by.1b) A waste of time, and by people who waste time1c) About 90% and the Scots at about 10% of the population2a) All can be heard virtually anywhere2b) Usually very bad languages in Scotland when talking about: trams, the Forth Road Bridge and Scottish Labour.3a) Almost everybody - It's Money!!3b) Atheists3c) A waste of time; a waste of time; the anti-tram lobby.4a) Moaning about the government and all the bl@@dy immigrants.4b) Most people get by in town, but have to move out because of house prices, so the numbers are changing.4c) Don't know about the rest, but in Scotland we have the Orangemen Marches and Gay-parades.4d) Hogmany, Ramadan and the Festival of Light.5a) Looking about, a very poor one.5b) Wearing funny clothes and waving a lot.5c) A bit like the cencus: a waste of time to both parts of the question.5d) A waste of public money; whenever the party in power think they can win it; an unelected Scotsman called Broon.5e) They give an opportunity for the government to reduce the unemployment total by just over 600. Threaten someone who is otherwise unemployable with a comfortable severance package.5f) To tell as many lies as he can to cover up Government scandals.5g) None, they are all out of control.6 (In general, very poorly)6a) A way to ensure that no-one gains overall power; used by LinDems to ensure that they at least get some seats.6b) Very few.6c) A way of passing public money to consultants, while pretending progress is being made, but at the same time ensuring nothing gets done.6d) Anyone who cannot read a ballot paper and who doesn't know how to spell "X".6e) They can go and live anywhere in Scotland and can expect to demand preferential treatment over any of the ethnic population.6f) It's a big swimm
11a) A place where Nurses go to work for subsistance wages while they look for a policeman to marry.11b) To be unavailable outside normal working hours11c) Welsh People!!!12a) None, a lot of kids just bunk off; There you get shot if you go to the wrong school; Don't know who is responsible, but it certainly isn't the parents.12b) Same as 12a)12c) A place where you hope your child will get some sort of education.12d) To ensure that there are enough excuses why there are never enough teachers, and to kick out on the street any kid they don't like.13a) Whether it's on DVD or Video, and whether it in the Adult section of the video store or not.13b) People you don't trust very much.13c) Depends which corner shop you go to.13d) They must look 18, because these have a little bit better controls over them than alcohol.14a) Until the police stop you and no longer beleive your excuse that yuur eengeesh is vary poor.14b) Legal or knocked off?14c) For cars about 5mph in Edinburgh, 20mph for bikes because they can weave in and out of the traffic. 120mph for trams - so we are led to believe by TIE.15a) Seems just about anybody.16a) For Scotsmen, it's to show the wife how much she can spend of your money. For immigrants it's to show how much you're being ripped off by your employer. For employers it's a way to play a joke on your workforce.16b) No one has ever found out; it's taken by the tooth fairy before you ever see your pay; irrelevant, your employer will stop the money anyway if you're an immigrant.16c) Undetermined in Scotland; some are rich enough to retire at 40, the rest are too poor ever to stop work.
Should be15a) The matches I've been to, seems just about anybody.
What a load of utter garbage. Apart from the fact that, for example, the answer to question 10(a) is wrong (we still use £1 notes in Scotland as many of us don't want to end up with a pocket full of foreign coins), a lot of the questions are nonsense. I don't care what the Church of England is, or who heads it, nor do I care what religions people are. Moreover the Church of England may be the official church of state of England, but it is not the official church of state of Scotland (see question 3(c)).
As for the question 12(b) the answer to that is wrong as well. I started secondary school in Scotland at age 11, not 12.
I don't know which bunch of numpties came up with this tripe, but there is no way that this test should be given to anyone wanting to migrate to Scotland. This is like that Tory numpty that reckoned we should all support English cricketers, or words to that effect.
I am not English, or British. I am Scottish, and the sooner we are free of the colonial shackles, and nonsense like this, the better.
#18,19,29
Well said
Born in Scotland = British I wonder whether #1 has ever travelled abroad - is that outside Scotland? What passport did he use?
And then there is his moniker, UriahHeep a character created by - heaven forfend - an English author
I too am proud to be Scottish and am also proud of the, disproportionately large, Scottish contribution to Britain over the centuries and today
Good friend of mine did this test last year, and one of the questions was as follows:
Do the majority of houses in England have thatched roofs?
Eh? Still trying to work out how knowing the answer will make someone into a better "British" citizen!!! Just goes to show you the whole thing is a complete farce.
Oh, by the way, I got a £1 note in change the other day too. We'd better not tell them, they might revoke all passes of the test!
17# alexandermc
I think you are imagining things. Who is getting upset? Who is getting even more upset?
#19 Disagree, England could be awash with gold or pebbles, it makes no difference to me, Scotland should be independent!
Dont you get it!
Im not British Im Scottish as well, as for the questions I couldnt give you a proper answer to a few.There is also the same sort of test in Holland where opeople have to know the words to the national anthem,half of Holland dont know it /or dont want to know it,yet immigrants are expected to.Why are they not allowed to hum it like the rest o the country?
And they will stay best of friends, it's about self determination of the Scot's people
If you are English, Welsh, Scottish or N. Irish then per definition you are British. What a load of whingers some of you are. Fortunately there are some are non-fanatic Scots as exemplified by Navvy who seems to be a a sensible sort of bloke!
These posts generally degenerate into sidetracks of abuse from miserable Scots amongst us. Fortunately, not all of us have a chip on the shoulder. All this jargon on Colonialism as if Scotland is a colony of Britain. (Incidentally, Scotland derived much comfort and wealth from the colonial-era as well. That should stir up the wasps-nest!)
Well Rulesbutnotrulers
Can't you see there is a movement to Scottish Independence, ask me that question in 20 years?
I'd say no it's not mutually inclusive !!!
pulls out passport
test waved
no need to know nothing about the place
#31 They are not mutually inclusive. We are forced by the colonial power to have a "British" passport if we want to travel. We would rather have our own, Scottish, passport. We do not want to remain a colony.
Why are you so thick? Or is stupidity a precondition to your politicial/ethnic views.
#31
Scotland is an ancient nation. Britain is the name for the relatively recent marriage of Scotland and England.
Britain is the name for the union/marriage, not as far as I'm concerned, for the constituant countries.
When I got married I didn't become my wife, and my wife didn't become me, nor did we become one and the same thing.
Therefore I can see myself as being Scottish without being British, and anyway, I want a divorce!!
35# Agreed, What anoys unionists IS that they can see the end of the union coming, and I feel the younger generation coming up wants a free independent Scotland!
Some of my older relatives dont want change, but new voters are coming to change all that. And within 20 years Scotland will get it's pride, heart and backbone back, it's evergrowing! BRING IT ON!!
#31 & 32 Rules & McTaggert
Yes alright we get it, Scotland is part of the United Kingdom, aka Great Britain, is inhabited by British citizens and anyone who rejects the concept of Britishness must be a stupid nationalist loon.
Glad you cleared that up for us.
aRTHUR C , You are such a proud "Brit" you live in MANILLA which part of UK is that ???
That aside passing some cockeyed test DOESN'T make you British , neither does having a BRITISH passport and someone ought to tell Mr Al fayed that too. You are British if you are born here , of British PARENTS GRANDPARENTS etc etc and grow up ascribing to and living by our values and standards.
Personally I count myself as British by birth and Scots by the grace of God !!
I'm Scottish, Not British by choice...
Many of the Nulabour areas would have difficulty passing this so-called test.. At a guess probably 1%.
Adam Ingram, Andy Kerr and company cert failures and we could kick them out the country...
Plus the other 99% Labourites that voted for them..
Of course the Alexanders and wee Joke could be added to the list..G. Cannibal has no chance .. His lack of knowledge on Scotlands affairs is now famous to all posters...
Surely this thread attached to the report is a windup..
By the way would Brown nose pass it.. Doubtful?
Independence is coming down the road! Im sorry, but to all Unionists, it's about time! Im Scottish not British! You can bring on all your losing arguments but I'm starting to smile because my Country is FINALLY believing in itself and growing in Hearts and Minds.
About Time!
#17 alexandermc I too wondered why so many were getting hot under the collar about this - maybe because they'd have scored about 10% correct?
Whether or not you want Scotland to be independent isn't relevant to this issue. This test was brought in for people applying to be citizens of the country as it exists currently, not as it may or may not exist in 10 years, or 20 years, or 100 years. All the questions are things which any citizen should reasonably be expected to have at least basic knowledge of; and applicants aren't expected to score 100%.
Many of the posters doing the complaining also complain about immigrants having no knowledge of the country to which they're coming. The authorities try to ensure that will no longer be so, and you're still complaining.
Will any new "Scottishness" test have to include a section on "ability to whinge"?
I failed.........on purpose !!
14% of Scots regard themselves as british...not popular then eh ?
Ha Ha Unionist whingers, bring on Independence soon! Then you can choke in your Union Jack soup!
But then again you will benefit in this great nation that will be SCOTLAND -Enjoy!
Can i be the first to mention that this seems to be a test of Englishness? Would someone who lived in Scotland for then years and then applied for citizenship, have to know all this English drivel?
I'm always surprised to see so many anti Scots reading the 'The Scotsman'. Kind of ironic, isn't it? Then again, unionistas are like Americans. Irony is lost on them....
Of ourse, that should have been 'ten years' and not 'then years.'
#11, does that mean that France, Belgium, Italy, Portugal, Germany, Greece, Norway, Ireland etc. etc etc. are insular too and narrow minded and would you tell them so. Benefits of the Union seem to flow from Scotland to England, but England conveniently forget that little detail time and time again. I can't wait for independence. It is a godsend that we have Alex Salmond as First Minister.
#43 Lost at Sea on the Renfrew Ferry.
Why don't you get back to your brass polishing?
As for pound notes, I've got about 20 or 30 of them lying on the desk beside my computer. They don't just turn up once in a blue moon, even a blue moon over the Renfrew Ferry.
Does the owner of your alleged boat know that you are using his Inmarsat for trolling on the Internet?
I also told you, give me your phone number or your e-mail address, or give me a date and time when you leave the Ferry and travel to Lewis or Harris, and I'll meet you there. Or are you still too much of a feartie?
Meanwhile, get on with polishing the brass on the Renfrew ferry with your butcher's apron.
the test is all very well but if they fail it they just dissappear into the black econnomy. no real chance of them being deported is there?
#44 And at least half of them are incomers.
Well 5b should be crowned parasite no1
Well, do I get the prize for spotting the deliberate mistake? St David's Day is March 1 not March 10!
Apart from that, I think, as a native Scot by birth and choice, that I would struggle to pass this test; assuming, of course, that 50% is a pass mark. Some of the questions are quite obtuse (8a - does having a mortgage mean you own your house and that you have a huge loan to repay or does it mean the bank/building soc owns the house and you are buying it from them since they hold the title deeds? Discuss. 6b - local authority services... don't get me started on this one!). As for 14c - there are 5, 15, 20, 30, 40, 50 60 and 70mph limits all within 5 miles of where I am (Aberdeen) so where do you get your answer "30, 60 and 70" from?
Thanks to those who bothered to send spoof answers to all the questions; you've brightened up my Friday!
4c) St David's Day 10 March ?? Shurley Shome Mishtake
#10
Enema of the state!
Well put.
PMSL
#46 Mikey After reading your comment, I re-read the questions.I fail to see how you reckon this is a test of "Englishness", and write it off as "english drivel".Which questions don't apply to Scotland just as much as England?
All I can see is the question about the Church of England, which has alongside it a similar one about the Church of Scotland; and the one about accents; and surely even the staunchest SNP supporter should still know the answers to these anyway?
How can anybody oppose the Union if they don't know exactly what they're opposing, in some detail?
#35Guga
Do you wake up every day looking forward to revelling in your victimhood? This 'colonial power' crap is so tiresome, and indicative of someone with a deliberately skewed take on Scotland's history. The last I knew, the majority of our forefathers took part in the UKs colonial past with as much, if not more, enthusiasm as the other nations of the Union.
Alex Salmond demands that a seperate test is brought in for Scottish citizenship that is Administered by the Scottish Parliment. All the questions are centred around major milestones in Scottish History primarily the main achievements of Mr Salmond and the SNP
So its a pretty quick test
#42 "Will any new "Scottishness" test have to include a section on "ability to whinge"?"
:-)
I was lucky enough to attend one of the ceremonies for new citizens at the City Chambers in Edinburgh. (I was the sponsor for a friend.) Everyone there would have failed the whinging test. It was a family occasion; everyone dressed up and happy to have their photos taken. They served tea in real cups. My friend teases me about the test, occasionally asking me tricky questions. But according to him, it wasn't any more difficult than the driving theory test. All the answers are in the book. Not a big deal.
I think the vast majority of 'British' people would fail this test.#57'Colonial power' is an accurate term. Scotland is/was in an ambiguous relationship to Empire. For example, it is a feature of empires that the most enthusiastic of Imperialists often come from the colonies.
#60
I don't know what history books you've been reading. OK, the Union was unpopular and entered into through some aristocratic skullduggery but I don't remember any mass rebellion by the Scottish people since. Seems we have been and are pretty comfortable in being in a Union with the English, Welsh and Northern Irish. We're not oppressed, we're not victims (unlike Guga) and have the option to secede when the MAJORITY want to. Get over it.
Quite a challenging test for people for whom presumably English is a second language. I would suggest the majority of UK residents would not pass this. Is it not the case that most people under 30 can't name the Prime Minister or Cabinet members? Also, re the independence argument - I voted for Wee Eck so I'm timidly pro but I disagree with the premise that the English don't want us to go our own way. It's only the Labour Government who want the staus quo as they would instantly lose their majority if Scotland was cut loose.
"b) Which groups of people can receive a reduction in the council tax they pay or benefits?
c) What is social security and who receives it?"
c) Which groups of people receive free prescriptions?"
Aha. How did I just KNOW that these would be there?
Who's that old woman in the picture behind the applicants? Does she pass the Britishness test as well?
Why no question in the test about Gordon Brown's role in undermining the UN and illegally invading a state which posed no threat to the UK?
A question about the duty of this present British state not to inflict harm on innocent foreign citizens would have been useful. It's evident that the maiming and deaths of all those Iraqis (and our own troops) doesn't seem to matter much to Labour's Little Britishers at Westminster and their apologists in Scotland.
Roll on independence and an internationalist, peaceful, outward looking Scotland.
#61 I'm just old enough to remember that Scottish History was deliberatly NOT taught in schools as it might fire up the 'Rebellious Scots' which would lead to the need to crush them again. How very boring and inconvenient. All that was taught was English history and monarchy - Scottish history was completely elided. Education and media are very powerful tools in achieving the mindset you require of a population.
From Wikipedia;The name Britain is derived from the name Britannia, used by the Romans from circa 55 BC and increasingly used to describe the island which had formerly been known as insula Albionum, the "island of the Albions". The name Britannia derived from the travel writings of the ancient Greek Pytheas around 320 BC, which described various islands in the North Atlantic as far North as Thule (probably Iceland). Although Pytheas' own writings do not survive, later Greek writers described the islands as the a? ??etta??a? or the Brittanic Isles. The peoples of these islands of Prettanike were called the ??etta???, Priteni or Pretani. These names derived from a Celtic name which is likely to have reached Pytheas from the Gauls, who may have used it as their term for the inhabitants of the islands. Priteni is the source of the Welsh language term Prydain, Britain, which has the same source as the Goidelic term Cruithne used to refer to the early Brythonic speaking inhabitants of Ireland and the north of Scotland. The latter were later called Picts or Caledonians by the Romans.During Roman times, the term Britannia was applied to the Roman province of Britain, which occupied most of the island of Great Britain, and to the island as a whole.Great Britain may well be a translation of the French term Grande Bretagne, which is used in France to distinguish Britain from Brittany (in French: Bretagne), which had been settled in late Roman times by Romano-Celtic troops from Emperor Maximus' army and later by refugees from Roman Britain, who were then under attack by the Anglo-Saxons. Since the English court and aristocracy was largely French-speaking for about two centuries after the Norman Conquest of 1066, the French term may have naturally passed into English usage. The term "Bretayne the grete" was used by chroniclers as early as 1338, but it was not used officially until James I proclaimed himself "King of Great Britain&quo
#65 Ochone Ochone
Oh, I remember, we were banned from learning off our own backs. Scottish history books were prohibited and we got sent to prison by the nasty English troopers who roamed the countryside looking for rebels. I remember it clearly in the 60s. My grandmother was taken away and tortured by the Quisling authorities for telling me about William Wallace. I , and 1000s of others have been hiding out in the hills and fighting the redcoats ever since. You Nats really need to grow up. You can't even get our constitutional position in the UK right. We're already an independent country. Just one that happens to have been in a Union with another independent country for the last 300 years. Accept that the MAJORITY of your fellow Scots are not racking themselves with worry about the status quo.
Question 10a proves how Scotland is treated in terms of status within the UK!!! Makes you wonder why we bother!! William Paterson invented the Bank of England for goodness sake!!
Even ultra unionists, like AM2, would have to agree that this stinks!!!!
#65 Well made points about use of history and media. Well known as tools of colonial powers to control indigineous populations - deprive them of their history, sense of self, culture etc. Agree 100%.
100% Scottish, 0% British by the way.
Just like to point out that we also have £100 pound notes here in Scotland as a by the way.
#69 art1000
And who has been and is actually supposed to be DOING this to us? The English? Do you relly believe that, 'cause if you are you really shouldn't be trusted to vote. Since 1707 the laws of this country have been set and enforced by Scots for Scots The education system was designed by Scots and (until recently) miles superior than the English one. The civil service has always been by-and-large seperate and staffed by Scots. There are no swathes of English 'administrators' or judges or police or troops keeping us 'in line'. I take it you believe all these past and present Scots are somehow Quislings working for the English to oppress their fellow citizens. Or are we all just so stupid that we can't see we're being manipulated by our English masters. Maybe they're putting a mind-bending drug in the water supply, secretly at night. As credible as the rest of you Nat nonsense.
you're all missing the point !It's not about the questions !!!It's about the £34 for the test & the £10 for the answers book.It says............pay £44 to the Home Office & ..........you're in !!! ......simple as that.........another underhand spin on imigration.no-one even notices.........it's all lost in the irrelevent detail...ie: ...........SPINdream on........keep your heads in the sandwant to live here terrorists, read the answers book & pay the home office your ticket money.......and hey presto .......welcome........start bombing us now.LOL
17
I passed the test but I am a bit of a political anorak.The reality is that most people wouldn't particularly as many of the questions are either vague or disputable.
For example - what is a faith school? The answer given is that they are schools linked to religious institutions. True enough but most non denominational schools in Scotland also have a relationship with their local Kirk.
And there are differences between faith schools in England and denominational schools in Scotland. In England faith schools are not part of the comprehensive system - in Scotland denominational schools are part of the comprehensive system. In fact, arguably in England there is no longer a comprehensive system of education whereas in Scotland there is.
Before anybody accuses me of trying to create divisions between Scotland and England because I am a narrow minded nationalist calm down .. I didn't invent those differences. They exist.
And perhaps immigrants should also be told that in both Scotland and England majority opinion is actually against faith schools.
So altogether things are a bit more complex than this test indicates!
71 says 'Since 1707 the laws of this country have been set and enforced by Scots for Scots'
Refresh my memory. When did the Scots set and enforce the poll tax then? When did the Scots decide to invade Iraq?
#71 - no need for paranoia. I believe the THEY in question are successive Westminster goverments and civil servants - the vast majority of whom are/were English. They may have percieved it quite acceptable and as a benefit for us to become more like them.
Indeed we do it too ourselves too. Schools like Dollar Academy attempt to ape the English Public Schools in terms of attitudes, manners, speech and 'Britishness' as much as possible. Not much Scottish History taught there.
RE # 2b) So apparently Ulster Scots is spoken in Northern Ireland but Irish isnt while Gaelic is spoken in Scotland but Scots isnt. Its thoroughly amusing to see the very minor Ullans dialect gain recognition ahead of the main branch of the language itself in the home country.
I have been giving this serious thought and, thanks to you, the scales have fallen from my eyes.
I now realise that mild-mannered Mrs Clark from Lanchashire, who was supposed to be teaching me algebra, was actually an agent of the English Empire sending me subliminal messages about my being a Scot and therefore inferior.
I feel abused and betrayed. I will now vote SNP.
5(c) A private club were rich criminals hang out.
I'd like to know how many of these questions the average lif-long British resident could answer..... and what we would do with them if they failed.
Why is it you always notice the typo just AFTER you've pressed "Post" ?
"the average life-long British resident"
#76 art1000
They 'may have perceived it as quite acceptable'. What so the likes of Kelvin, and Burns and John Smith and Fleming and Dunlop were all naive and stupid and had the wool pulled over their eyes by the cunning English? They bought into the concept of Britishness because their poor wee brains were so maleable? But you and your current SNP comrades are SO much more clever and can see the lies for what they are? Your arrogance is breathtaking.
People born in the United Kingdom are not citizens. We have a constitutional monarchy, we are all subjects. Citizen, is a word which applies to republics.
English tripe.Almost as bad as american shovelfuls of propaganda we see every day but know better than to believe a word of it,especially the monkies at nbc.
#83 Dugald
Have you a point to make? Or you just trying to look cool, superior and somewhat aloof? You've posted on here like the rest of us so you just make yourself sound a bit of a prat.
You're right though, got a backshift to get ready for.
A consistently sensible poster is Draco Was a Wimp.
His posts are well-written and to the point. Definitely not a whinger.
#84 Excellent posts Draco but I'm afraid that you are banging your head against the SNP brick-wall which is so thick that its impenetrable. Now watch the vitriol spill forth.
#84 Can't see how John Smith fits into that illustrious company?
Burns was a Nationalist and a Patriot. Kelvin, Fleming and Dunlop were engineers and scientist as I recall that benifitted from a distinctively scottish education.
As for Smith, was he not a lawyer who was once leader of NuLab? He did however manage to get himself buried on Iona alongside the ancient Kings of Scotland.
sorry type 'benifitted' read 'benefited'
All the talk of Scottish independence. It will never work. You all love bickering with each other too much. Just reading the above postings has convinced me, that you can't agree about anything.Where is this united Scottish nation I keep reading about?
#85 if I had my way we would be a republic - the bloody Royals and noblemen have shafted the ordinary people of this country since the year dot.
Those of you who are saying that you are Scottish not British - could you just check what your passport says . . . . whether you like it or not you are British citizens unless independence happens (if it ever).
In my provincial ignorance, I had always considered Scotland to be an independant nation, yet part of Britain. Like England and Wales, not so much Northern Ireland - different island. Scot by culture and nationality, British by geography and, sometimes, what would appear to be sensible convenience - as in matters of defense. It saddens me to see Scots bitterly divided on what seems, from afar, relatively moot; that a people I admire would concentrate more on the differences rather than what you share in common with your neighbours comes as something of a disappointment.Then I thought, "What if France had won at Quebec?" I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to abide any sort of French interference in Canada today.Then I thought, "Well, that's perfectly understandable. They're French."
#85 Indeed - but isn't language is descriptive not prescriptive?
Personally I think we should all wear nationalistic underpants.
That way you can really fly the flag even while sitting on your bahooky at a computer.
#85 You may consider yourself a subject. I do not.
As for constitutional monarchy, which constitution are you talking about. The YU K doesn't have a constitution, it has this thing called an unwritten constitution. The English politicians like having an unwritten constitution as, being unwritten, it can mean anything they want it to mean.
As for republics, hopefully Scotland will, one day, become a republic. In the meantime, I still consider myself a citizen of Scotland.
Guga - when was the last time you saw a Scottish pound note?
#57 Draco the Wimp.
Why did Malcolm Rifkind, the then Secretary of State for Scotland, say, in 1967, "I'm a sort of Colonial Governor"?
#98 I told you, I've got 20 or 30 of them on the desk in front of me. I use them every day, or at least on days when I go to the town (Stornoway).
The correct answer to 5a) is: One that is not worth the paper that it is not written on. I.e. so useless you cannae even use if to wipe yer erse with.
I look forward to the a Scottish Bill of Rights and a Scottish Constitution that will inevitably follow Independence.
It'll happen too because Scots aren't afraid of the ordinary people having their civil liberties and human rights rights legally enshrined on paper that can be consulted and used.
The British state on the other hand fear the people. Unsurprising, since it is run by a miserable bunch of war-mongering, Orwellian upper class English halfwits.
Scottish Not British.
#90 art1000
Really got to go but quickly. Yes, Robert Burns was a proud Scot but he was also an employee of the British state (so, therefore, a deluded collaborator I presume?) and a believer in the Union.
John Smith I include because he was a great mind and a fine man. Obviously a proud Scot but comfortable in his Britishness. And no, I am not a Labour supporter. As much as I am an SNP one. But, unlike some, I an happy to give credit to someone with whom I don't agree politically.
The test is completely irrelevant; anybody can buy a book and swot up on the answers to pass the test. That's not going to make them loyal to Britain, that's not going to make them leave their third world cultures at the border.
Mass immigration is storing up ethnic conflict for the future; already the native population is a minority in several cities. Unless there's a radical change in policy, all of the UK, and not just England is going to descend into a mass of mutually hostile ethnic enclaves of the kind which led to war in Kosovo, Bosnia and Lebanon.
#102 Draco the Wimp.
The English are like the Americans in one regard, we'll happily take their money and their women, but we don't want anything to do with them politically.
#94
"Those of you who are saying that you are Scottish not British - could you just check what your passport says . . . . whether you like it or not you are British citizens unless independence happens (if it ever)."
Politically, that may be true, but I always look at it in terms of what the individual wants themselves to be. Clearly the law says that people from Scotland are British, but that is only about a third of the problem. Two thirds is application - how people self identify - and if people self identify as Scottish not British (and I'm another one who does identify as that) - then intrinsically, that is what they are, no matter what the law says. Essentially what the law defines people as is irrelevant, what people perceive themselves to be, and how they identify themselves is paramount.
I've always written Scottish on immigration forms and the like, I've never had any jumped up civil servant/immigration officer at any airport I've been to question me on that - and I've gotten through just fine.
PS Doesn't the man in the photograph look like a cross between Basil Fawlty and Manuel? Or are my eyes playing tricks on me again?
#102 Smith is a mere footnote in history and its an insult to these great men to even mention him. As for Burns being a believer in the Union - don't be daft.
#75 Miss H,
'When did the Scots decide to invade Iraq?'
------------------------
2003.
What a limited vocabulary, Galactic Cannibal. You dude - blah - dude - blah blah, dude. If you know any other words besides dude, come on, let's hear them.
86. T. MacIntosh, Toronto
English tripe you say. Well what's left to hold on to? 50 years ago, English people would know exactly what they meant when they said they're English. The English identity has been so undermined by immigration and multiculturalism that now, nobody even knows what it means anymore. It's unsurprising that a desperate government will now clutch at superficiality such as these questions as a substitute for a lost national identity. With the current rate of immigration, it's only a matter of a generation before Scotland and Canada go the same way.
"One Scotland Many Cultures" invalidates Scottish culture because just as the English are told, their own country is multicultural, multi-ethnic and so no longer has an ethnic or cultural identity, their own claim to their country is no more than that of someone who arrived a few years ago and may not even speak English.
Jolly foreigner doesn't want to be British. In fact, most land in England because they want to be English.
Well, I took the test and it turns out I am very well qualified to be British. Wee problem though is that I dont want to be!!
You must collect them Guga because I have not seen a Scottish pound note in over 7 years - and that was in London of all places!!
111. Reckless, Fife
Actually, they want to stay Indian, Chinese, Pakistani, Somali, Arab or Polish. They just want to earn more money and screw whatever else they can out of the system than they can do in their own countries.
#114
On my red passport it has EUROPEAN UNION at the top. Underneath is printed UNITED KINGDOM OF GREAT BRITAIN AND NORTHERN IRELAND. On p31 of my passport under Nationality/Nationalite (30) it states BRITISH CITIZEN.
And your point is . . .
#106 art1000.
Last one as I log off. Not only ignorant (re. the biography of a great Scot, Burns) but partisan to the point of being mean of spirit and twisted. Lord help this country if you and your ilk are its future.
103
'Already the native population is a minority in several cities.'
Er.
The biggest immigrant community in Edinburgh is the English but they are nowhere near the majority.
So since you are not talking about the place you live where are you talking about.
#114 I don't collect them, I use them whenever I'm in town. Try visiting the beautiful Western Isles and you'll see for yourself.
I know you lot on the mainland are subject to far more anglicisation than we are, but if you want £1 notes, go to the Royal Bank of Scotland. I wasn't taken over by the Halifax like the Bank of Scotland.
Incidentally, £1 notes are still very popular in Moscow too.
118. Miss HHow about London for a start?
#16. 10 years time or sooner there won't be any need for "UNITED KINGDOM OF GREAT BRITAIN AND NORTHERN IRELAND or "BRITISH CITIZEN". We'll be carved up into regional provinces of the EU (presently dominated by former East German apparatchiks, as I understand it): A recreation of the Soviet European Union or the nth Reich.
Tak tent that the official answers tae whit languages ither nor English is spoken in Scotland is gien as Gaelic. The 1.5m Scots speakers disnae coont.
I know they don't have £1 notes any more in England, buy they are still around in Scotland. I had 3 in my purse last week. I'm not sure if they have £100 in England, but we certainly do have them in Scotland. Unfortunately, unlike the £1, I didn't have 3 of THEM in my purse last week though!
#116
If your passport was stamped that you were a chimp in a zoo exported from the rainforests of South America by the Goverment would you go along with the status quo??? or would you believe in what you were and state it???
I have nowt against the English nor anyone else. I just don't want to be ruled by them. I have to call myself British because my country was bought by greedy politicians and sold by corrupt traitors , then oppressed and "re-educated" to think of itself as British.
The only ignorant ones are those that fail to recognise that.
I am Scots and do not want the association with Britain except as part of our history and as a mutual and fair partner nation along with the rest of the world.
Draco. I'm not a rabid Nat. and have only recently come to point where I think the party has the calibre of people who could feasibly run this country for the benefit of all its inhabitants. The point I make about history teaching is a FACT not a political observation. How it came to be so and engineered by whom I really couldn't say for certain. Attitudes and the curriculum changed gradually to incorporate both Scottish and British history and so now gives a comparatively rounded picture. I feel you are denying the truth in order to go 'off on one' and posture. As for Mrs Clark, in the 60's there was a most definite culture of Scots andGaelic being inferior - anyone who had the Gaelic was obviously from a black house or was a tinker. That's the truth of it, plain and simple. Things have changed remarkably for the better in that regard and our culture is now recognised and applauded.
#117 actually I am quite a generous soul except when it comes to those who will use/sell out Scotland for power/money/influence at Westminster e.g Smith/Broon/Cook/Reid and innumerable, nameless, faceless Labour numpty MPs.
As for me being ignorant, I hold degrees from both Strathclyde and Dundee Universities - so blame them.
Also, I had great respect for John Smith - the best man never to have had the chance to serve this Nation as PM. I think he would have brought a degree of compassion and wisdom to the post which his ghastly successor could never hope to aspire to. There are countless incredibly talented Scots who are not Nats but then there are countless talented Scots who don't vote Labour, Conservative, Lib Dem or Green. That fact doesn't undermine the principles of any of these Parties. You demean yourself by decrying others viewpoints with such hysteria.
Could everyone please move to Broons constituency and vote him out at the next election please, it worries me having him try and run my life.
#129 Ah ha ha ha!
#130
Is that because he is a Scotsman???
I took the test and passed. My husband who is Scottish had a hard time answering some of the questions in the study book. Parts of it you had to think about, but it was multiple choice and if you studied, you could figure out the answers.
#36- to a certain extent, legally, by entering into a marriage, you and your wife do in fact become one etity in certain circumstances. (I think that is what is behind not being able to compel someone to testify against their spouse)
but- isn't St david's day the 1st of march? not the 10th.
these questions are badly written and far to open ended- as has been pointed out they could be seen as asking people to name all members of the house of lords, every organisation that hlpes the homeless, very function of the council etc. etc.
still I suppose it gives people an insight into some very British characteristics- chronic vagueness, waffling and setting the rules to make sure the establishment always wins.
I'm Scottish and British and I don't care. As for the citizen thing, yes, it annoys me all the talk about citizenship etc when we're not really citizens, we're subjects. I'd prefer to be a citizen, but that's the way it is, and it won't be changed by wrongly referring to me as a citizen :)
Fair enough but what about the Council Tax freeze?
#131 Do you seriously believe anything written in the Mail? That's even worse than believing half the stuff written in the Hootsmon.
However, people like you, with your own political/ethnic axe to grind will never agree to the Scottish people being independent. However, we will be, one day soon.
You tell me please. Where I get form? No like Ukraine since independence from glorious Soviet Union. It hard here now.
#143 Anec Dotal
From your nearest British Embassy -)
5c) What is the House of Lords and who are its members?
I was a wee bit stumped with this one.
In my answer I wittered on about a bicameral legislature, with an unelected second chamber, made up from political placemen, bishops, judges, charlatans and assorted labour, tory and lib-dem party funders.
Looking at the official answer, I’m not sure if I passed on this one?
Note the answers to question 2b: "What languages other than English are spoken in Northern Ireland, Scotland and Wales? "
The answers given are "Ulster Scots, Gaelic, Welsh", which omits Scots in Scotland and Irish in Northern Ireland. This appears to be politically biased, given that Ulster Scots is associated with UK unionism, Gaelic and Welsh are relatively neutral, and Irish and Scots are associated with the respective "nationalist" movements.
I disagree with these tests entirely. After all when was the last time that a bunch of brits migrating for economic gain or retirement were quizzed on the history or culture of their chosen destination before settling in? Those Express/ daily mail types who criticise incomers for not adopting the local customs, language and history should turn their attentions to the enclaves of pasty faced brits living it up in Hong Kong, costa del so and Chamonix in France.
The only “Lords” I could think of were:-Lord Foulkesakes, formerly of Tynecastle.Lord Swan Vesta, formerly of Tannadice.Lord Forsyth of Saga
Other contributions welcome.
I had a lot of problems answering the questions (some of which are really stupid!)So thankfully, confirms Im not British, Im Scottish!
Re Brian (#148) : "was the last time that a bunch of brits migrating for economic gain or retirement were quizzed on the history or culture of their chosen destination "
But that's different. Those people are just migrating, not looking for local citizenship.
149 - Well, Conrad Black is something of a joke. I'm awfully sorry about inflicting that homegrown boy on you. We should have mentioned something before he was given his peerage. Now nobody wants him. Except for prosecution.
#73 MISS H
"Before anybody accuses me of trying to create divisions between Scotland and England because I am a narrow minded nationalist calm down .. I didn't invent those differences. They exist."
Although that is what you are..To Thine Own Self Be True..
"And perhaps immigrants should also be told that in both Scotland and England majority opinion is actually against faith schools."
So majority rules then. Does this apply to the English majority within Great Britain? Or do you have another set of rules for Scotland (probably).Tell us miss h there are "differences" between the Muslim and indigenous community's within the United Kingdom. Do we work to build bridges to bring communities together or just accept they "exist."
#49 GUgga II has finally lost his marbles.."As for pound notes,(Scottish) I've got about 20 or 30 of them lying on the desk"
Wow..just..Wow i mean like double Wow real Scots pounds. not ya smelly English variety..wow
Gugga what ya gonna do when Scotland adopts the Euro as per S.N.P policy.
Is it true Gugga that at the weekend you go to were the English mainland meets the Scottish mainland and you beat the English side with a big Scots pine stick..whack..whack..whack
#149 bully wee alba,
Lord Alex salmond of Bute
Lord Sean Connery
All in good time eh bully? not quiet there but soon.
Anec Dotal fi the Ukraine,
Are you any good at repairing tractors? Britain needs good tractor mechanics!!
148. Brian not the messiah
An important difference between "pasty faced brits" living overseas and the immigrants we're facing here is that the majority of British moving overseas are doing so to retire. They're not a threat to the native demography or culture.
Also, the vast majority are moving to culturally and ethnically similar countries.
In contrast immigrants to Britain are generally young and have far higher fertility than the native population.
For example:British-born women have, on average, 1.6 children (a figure inflated by British born ethnic minorities who have far more).
Women born in Pakistan but living in Britain: 4.7 children
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007...
Already, almost 1/4 of babies being born in Britain are to foreign born mothers. Of the remainder, many are to British born people of African and Asian decent.
Much of England already has ethnic enclaves hostile to the native population (and in some cases each other). Scotland's racing to catch up.
#149 bully wee alba, Edinburgh how about soon to beLord Joke McConnell of Clueless
#155 the racist
so what?
153
There are differences between all people. There are differences between Muslims. There are differences between the people who make up the 'indigenous' population.
Differences between people are a fact of life. Populatiions are not static, culture is not static, demography is not static.
Where bridges need to be built then they should be built - however if by bridge building you mean the removal of everything which makes people different and distinctive then forget it.
We are not Borg, we are people.
157. howyoudoingboy
So what? So the Britain of the future is going to be a patchwork of mutually hostile ethnic groups living in close proximity and perpetual conflict.
Why do you think I'm racist for pointing that out?
Are you so smug and conceited that you honestly welcome the prospect of being just another ethnic minority (and a declining and ageing one at that) in your own country?
there's nae sic a thing as scots an british.
yer scottish and that's that. unless yer english, an then yer english and that's that an a.
these fowk fa say theyre baith scottish an british ur jist folk fa live in scotland bit were born in england.
they want it baith wyes, bit it dosnae ging baith wyes. yer ane or the ither.
an that's it
Some of the questions are very ambiguous - do women have equal rights in the workplace, for example - there is no right and wrong answer. I'd be very surprised if this is what applicants were asked.
Anyway, not to worry - we won't have this in an independent Scotland.
#157So it means very soon you will be a minority in your own country.And don't expect the new majority to be as benevolent to you as we were to them.
#158 MISS H
Lets be honest you do not want a bridge between the English and the Scots. You want a boat so you can sail away from England.
And fair enough but at least be straight and true not bendy with what you really mean.
149 - Lord Smeato of Luggage.
Like many I consider myself to be a Scot first,formeost and only.This probably means I would fail a British test on the only question that really matters!ioe What nationality are you?Most of these questions would probably be incorrectly answered by half of the native population!
I agree there shoud be some kind of safe guards on who comes into the country and for what purpose,but I doubt that these questions are the ones I would be asking!
These questions would not make me more or less acceptable unless I was applying for a job as a memory act.
More stuffing nonsense from a stuffing nonsense party running a stuffing nonsensical country.I agree LETS GET OUT ASAP.
#150 Edward
Or Stupid. Nothing difficult about the test at all unless that is your a total ignoramus.
165
What I want is self government.
Have you ever heard the word subsidiarity?
69. art1000, Dunfermline
Just remember it was the British Empire of which Scotland was a major player so any colonial guilt is shared by us as well
#171 Miss H
Yes, but a lot of tasks in Scotland can't be performed at a local level; well not at the present time. Defence for one.
#161Methalions
pis#s##like a sieve..No change there I'll be wearing nappies soon.
its called waitfull watching apart from that everything is fine..drip..drip..standing in a little puddle..drip
And now to the motorway and work BYE.
159
Correct sir!
They have words which are peculiar to them,and do not appear elsewhere.This is surely the definition of a language.ie it has its own words.How many it has is irrelevant since all languages vary in vocabulary content,and English is a large language by virtue of the fact that it pinched most words from Latin French etc .
Gaelic has comparatively few but Scots Gaelic is reckoned to be the undiluted tongue spoken by the earliest Celts of Europe (unlike all other Celtic languages which derived from and evolved from the earlier versions)
The questions prove beyond doubt that the person who set the questions would probably fail!It just confirms the futility of asking these questions to begin with!
Lord Lucan of Land Rover.
173
SNP policy has always been a Common defence policy so you are completely and totally 100% wrong WELL DONE!
Rulesbutnotrulers, Erewhon / 7:34am 10 Aug 2007 Being Scottish and British is mutually inclusive, whether you like it or not!
Does this mean everyone who is British is also Scottish?
#171 #173 -so right!
Which is why it's time to get out of this and get on with our lives. I tend to think it's the younger ones who will do it- there are too many of the older one's set in their ways and fearful of going it alone- totally subsumed by the Unionist nanny state.
I failed, how sad! :-p
Lord Guga II of Goo Goo Land
GUGA II. why oh why are you so bitter about England,all the English want is the same courtesy afforded to Scotland,I mean heaven forbid gordon brown should let us fly the George Cross,or have our own parliament,or even be able to have the same medical care, but then gordy did take the oath putting Scotland above anything else!!!!
#180 Generalissimo Hernandez
If I may say so, that was a very astute observation. Top marks to you.
11
There will never be a United Kingdom.Too many people realise the benefits of being able to govern ones self,but we also have people like you of course,so it may have to wait a wee while longer.The trend is toward Home Rule you may (or may not) have noticed.
Its obvious what your preference is, but its the najority held view which matters and its growing every day,and has increased since the election.Face facts The United Kingdom is finished on both sides of the bprder,and its gone too far to be saved now.
What ww debate now is when and who gets what.
#159 You forgot to add Dundonian to that list Meth . . . ;)
Or should that be Dundonese?
186
Scotland has no say in your government unless its so close that our 9% of the vote can make a difference .You voted Labour .You got Labour.If you don't like being governed by a party which buys the loyalty of its Scottish MPs by elevating them into cabinet positions so they don't squeal the truth about how Westmonster has conned Scotland's people out of their birthright,then don't vote for them! I DONT!
Its exactly the same position as here. We live in a so called democracy,and Scotland has had numerous governments foisted upon her which she did not want.Thatcher for a kick off!If you want to address the problem a prerequisite is that we both understand it, or alternately we can believe the New Labour(same old Tory) Party and deserve everything we get!
I presume you live south of the border,but wish you well irrespective of where you are.I must point out though what happens to you is decided by you!
161
Methalions, I prostrate lasta night. I drink cheap vodka. Dodgy.
"#64. Hebb, Scotia / 9:05am 10 Aug 2007
Who's that old woman in the picture behind the applicants? Does she pass the Britishness test as well?"
Nah - she's a German . . .
I dinna ken much of the stuff they do in England,I've only been there on hoilday for 2weeks max and as for Wasle and N.Ireland I've never been so I wouldn't feel fit to answer thoes questions.
In all serousness if yer from some where like in the middle east or Africa and ye've been living it Scotland, then how would they Know about the English dilect.
But I must admit its nice to see they've remeber that the UK is countries and NOT just wan country.
131
The poll in the Mail is the opposite of one released a few weeks ago then . Its also the least credible toilet roll in Scotland even more so than this one!
IM definitely not impressed by anything which appears in the Daily Blair and would check in another paper to see what the weather forecast was.
One question: Are these folk given notes to read through before they sit the exam. So if they are good a memereoiseing then they'll pass!
#198 Morris - I take most polls with a barrowful of salt - it's real votes that matter not the views of the thousand so people they poll.
#131. Rulesbutnotrulers: Yer selfish, if you want to keep yer Brittish pasport after Scottish independence I would have any problem with that.
BUT it's unfair that thoues of us who see our self as purely Scottish have to have the wrong natinality on it.
I'm for labling yer self with the diserd name of nationality!!!!!
#202. The spook in Leith: Sorry. Last time I posted it was 196 didnae realise I'd stop yer fun in reaching for the hunner!!!
#205 eh'll hae tae read tha' buk!!
8 The Spook in Leith from Millport and supports Celtic- Good day to you.Quaking in my boots!
#170Certainly not stupidBut dont see the point of someof the questions
#205. Methalions: Is there a Fifers for beginners too. I must admit I understand some of the things they still BUT they still lose me sometime with their delic.
meths. If you want to be specific i'm sorry,it's what we call it in my part of England!
Eve,
Yes your right, us Fifers are a strange species. Unfortunately you have to be thrown in at the deep end to learn ;-)
192. I have never voted labour,so in that respect I didn't get what I voted for,on the other hand it was a scot which gave scotland devolution but didn't have the courtesy to offer the same to england!
The real issues are1. Are they illegal immigrants if so there should be no amnesty - do we give amnesty to criminals who have broken our laws2. Does the nation REALLY need their services, not just does indudtry need them to keep wages low. this way lies third world economy.3. Do they suffer from 'expensive' or serious illness, we have to be hard.4. If they claim asylum their claim must be thoroughly checked.5. There should be no right of entry for aged diect relatives or other none immediate family.On seeking UK citizenship the final test should be do they put the nation or their religion first. If it is religion then they should be refused citizenship prevented from staying long term.If all these conditions are satisfied then they should be permitted to take the entry test.All dual passport holders should be compelled to choose UK or other. If they choose other then they should forfeit their UK citizenship. All trying to enter on Student visas should be advised it will be for the duration of their course and will terminate after that period pass or fail. Expulsion from the course means they will be refused stay in the UK
Hard yes but we cannot be soft these days. Moreover these conditions are less discriminatory than the countries of origin.
#210 Edward
My understanding of this "Britishness" test is that the candidates "study", in the same way that people taking the theory part of the driving test, the answers before they take the test. Therefore for me its just a matter of commonsense and memory.
205 Methalion - If he were to visit here he might pick up something from us too, eh?
215,meths. as you please,don't get sarky with me!!!!
How come people living out of the UK seem to be experts on why the Union should be maintained? I think it is time to keep track of their e-mail addresses and when indeed we are free of Engerland we can have them barred as undesirables.
Devolution for England? Now theres a laugh. It does what it wants anyway so whats the damage?
AJ
Are you around?? ive spotted a good fishing place and saw a few whoppers lurking in the midsts of the deep :-D....Time to get casting!!!
#222 Dancer
Prance off stage left little Scotlander.
#222 Exactly the sort of comment that makes nationalists look like bigots - grow up for god's sake.
Some who post from abroad are ex-pats with relatives here - some are just working abroad temporarily. they are entitled to their say as much as anyon on these boards.
PS There are nationalists here who post from abroad - are they too going to be barred?
129. Methalions
Having throbbing piles explains the giggerish that you usually spout. You should go and get them treated instead of wasting your time here
The English lackeys of 300 years ago signed a deal which took away my Scottish identity. However I remain steadfastly Scottish and have absolutely no wish to be British, politically or otherwise. I have complete respect and bear no malice towards our nearest neighbour, England. I feel that it is only a matter of time before Scotland takes her rightful place among the other independent nations of the earth. Phoblacht Na Alba Abhu!
Spook!!!!
I had a good chuckle myself hehehe!!
Stevie G Darling!!!!!
ooo suits you sir!!
Lord Methalions of Gibberish
#231. Hunky Dorey: Aye, Well done!!& Well written too!!!
#128 ochone,
Maybe I was a bit harsh about old John Smith. However you were a bit hard on me too suggesting I was somehow unwilling to realise the talent in fellow Scots that take a different view. For example I think Bella Goldie is an admirable politician with some excellent ideas for the better governance of Scotland. Going further back Joe Grimond would probably have got my vote.
There is something deeper about Labour however that I cannot tholl. I just keep associating them with degraded urban environments, poverty, misery, lack of hope and corruption. But I shall take your criticism onboard, swallow my loathing and strive to be more open minded and inclusive in the future.
Does anybody else write Scottish, on immigration/customs forms etc when they travel abroad? Have they had anyone question their nationality? I haven't, and include several trips to the United States in that.
222 Dancer-there are plenty living outside the UK who will tell u why the Union should NOT be maintained.
#225 Malta as a whole, not welcome. Crap place been there. #228 Dundee can join England, I dont think we need Dundonian Jute Jam Journalism Jackies Junkies & Junk.
This webchat is why I despair for Scotland. The battlelines are being drawn, debate is going out the door and all that is left is the chanting on the terraces. Will we be left with a Northen Irish solution where two communities live beside each other but not together? The company and area I live in is now so pure loyalist the only way I can understand nationalists is via this website. The constant jibes from the nationalists only seem to harden the resolve in the loyalist ranks. You cannot believe the number of RFC shirts on the streets of Glasgow and the pressure to conform. Will it be long before the murals start going up on the walls?
#242 camster,
I think your looking into things a bit much dont you??
Hey Spook and co-check the story on salmonella poisoning-I'm feeling a little lonely!
Maltese Falcolm says
'Yes, but a lot of tasks in Scotland can't be performed at a local level; well not at the present time. Defence for one.'
That is kind of the point.
What I believe in is power devolved to the lowest level.
So yes there are national policy issues like defence which I think an independent Scotland should have control of. We should be responsible or securing our own land, sea and air space.
There are of course levels beyond that - there is cooperation at UK level, there is cooperation at EU level, maybe (or maybe not) cooperation at NATO level, there is cooperation at UN level.
The fact that we cooperate with the UK or EU or NATO or UN does not however mean that they are responsible for our defence policy.
242
Get a grip.
The Women's Guild could run a web forum and it would end up like this.
It is in the nature of things - seek out other web boards on the world wide web, you will see what I mean.
#244 Geoff
There there wee man shhhhhhh. Your safe now...i have left you a little comment on the Salmonella story to keep you from splitting your whisker...enjoy!!! ;-)
#241 Dancer
Because of a comment I made you insult a whole nation (Malta) in which I live as a guest. What does that say about you and your distorted way of thinking?
#248 Everything.
249
As I thought
British first Scottish second,
#251....yawn
247-thanks Magic-you're a pal.
#253....Bless yer wee cotton socks :-D
Magic Hoops,
Sorry pal, work is preventing me from indulging in a spot of unionist fishing, but you're right the place is awash with old trouts and a bass or two!!!
245-you wouldnt want the EU to be responsible for your Defence-even as a partner. The British troops in Afghanistan complain bitterly and justifiably about the lack of commitment of some of our EU partners-particularly the French and Germans. The SNP make much of the collective 'security' via the UN,EU etc.. Dont rely on it-much better Jock,Tommy, Paddy and Taffy together. History has proven it!
Geoff,
You seem to have this idea in your head that if Scotland becomes independent that we will take control of our own defence and then its every country for itself.
I can assure you that if Scotland became independent we will still be sharing knowledge on security matters and information and working together to protect the "former UK" if that ever does happen.
Also if the worst comes to the worst and we all have to pull together and fight side by side like in 1914 and 1939 im sure we will all die for our countries and each other without a BLINK OF AN EYE
240
Geoff, what is South Africa?
255
AJ of Fife, my friend Igor he live in Blairgowrie pick berry. You pick berry? Blairgowrie near Fife?
Magic,
If you want to go for the big Blue Marlin, it's AM2 abd he's currently spouting off on the SNP poll story!!!
I don't know if you know him, but he's Irish, lives in Glescae, is a Tory/Blair fan, has a penchant for loads of boring statistics and carefully manipulated political guff!!!
His main defence is to bore opponents into submission, but has been known to bite on bait that's on offer!! His lack of understanding with regards to the Scottish psyche, leaves him vulnerable and he can be hung out to dry like a kipper!!!!
Happy fishing Magic!:)
Anec,
Berry picker by day, tractor mechanic by night!!!??
Can I ask you something Anec, are all Ukrainian woman beautiful or do they have heavy moustache?
257
Magic Hoops 2, you right. All peoples of glorious Soviet Union fight nazis beat them. Peoples of Fife fight nazis?
261
AJ of Fife, you want buy women? You dodgy geezer.
Blairgowrie is in Fife, it's a pig farm near Inverness!!!
You really should brush up on your Geography, how will you ever pass the test?
I thought the Ukrainians fought with Nazi's!! Them boys no like Soviets eh?
Put me doon for three wumin Anec, but nae moustaches, jist bushy beards!!
"Scottish not British"?
That's like saying you're a person but not a mammal. The more fervently Scottish you are the more British you are. Duh.
Our fine nation has a Scottish PM, what more do you want.
Since I am Auchtermuchtish (a person from Auchtermuchty) and not Fifish, Scottish or British I don't care either. When will the Fife Council, Scottish Parliament, British Parliament and European Parliament realise that the people of Auchtermuchty will rise and be independent again. I am down in Australia awaiting the day when I can return from exile to a truly free and independent wee village.
#264 AJ of Fife
Oi! I'm neither a Fifer nor a pig! ;)
265
AJ of Fife, OK. I deliver what your address? I stay for few days OK.
Oh i know him all right he seems to escape quite alot. Just when you think you have him hooked and bringing him in his same old song and dance fighting for his life bores me as you say and sends me to sleep.
When i wake up hes gone....no fish...no bait...gutted :-(
I have an hour left though i think i will go visit your said thread and make AM2 aware of my prescence.
#262 Anec
Yes the Fifers fought the Nazis. When we fought in the First World War the germans were scared of the Scottish. The sound of our pipes wailing like a banshee gave them the creeps. They nicknamed us "Ladies from Hell". Im quite proud of that tag lol
p.s Put me down for 4 women from Ukraine...im greedier than AJ -)
Tim,
I new I'd get a row for that!! Sorry no offence meant, I was merely trying to avoid a clan of Ukrainians turning up ootside ma hoose!!!
Deliver them to East Dock Bar, High St, Lower Methil, Fife and tell them they'll have tae work their ticket!!!
Canny find that thread min!!! Gonie geez the link tae it neebs???
Nae bother W U Merchant!
270
Magic Hoops 2, everyone from Fife today. Fife big country? I have Lady from Hell Olga my wife. Big woman. Fleg Russians. You know word "fleg"?
Here it is and you'll see the power that AM2 weilds!!!
http://news.scotsman.com/politics.cfm?id=1257222007
Olga sounds interesting, is it a case of "fart and gie us clue hen"?
#275
Fife not country. Fife region of Scotland. Does your wife control you? If she is a big woman i would listen to her carefully if you want to keep teeth....now when i was a boy the word "fleg" meant to spit.....is this the same??
#276 AJ
Thanks for the link san...bless yer cotton socks (if you have any) -)
#272
No problem ... so long as there are no berry jokes!
277
AJ of Fife, Olga big. I no want win lottery. I want her nickers full of grivna coins (= 0.199936 $US).
#271 W U Merchant.
That's not how we were taught to spell it in Auchtermuchty. Of course the Auchtermuchty school system has been starved of funds by (in order, the Fife Council, the Scottish Government, the British Government and the European Parliment. It is hardly surprising that we can barely string a sentence together.
Don't even think about coming to Auchtermuchty when we're independent.
278
Magic Hoops 2, have metal teeth. Shiny. Olga no have teeth. Sook too much granny sookers young.
I heard of Ukrainian wumin having 10lb of crack in their knickers, but never grivna coins!!!
An Ecdotal-about 12544 kms south of kintyre.
#283 haha
Olga have no teeth?? Is this why you marry woman?? No teeth mean she not bite when it comes to pleasure
But you have metal teeth. Were you in a James Bond film??? Stay away from magnets. Do you travel abroad much??
284
AJ of Fife, you no speak about Olga crack. You dodgy geezer.
285
Geoff South Africa, Pol Macartney Beatle still there?
287
Magic Hoops 2, I travel abroad thank you. You send ticket I come see you. Bring Olga. You like?
To talk about the contents of a lady's knickers in Scotland Anec, is the height of good manners!!!
You'll get used to our little quaint customs!
A nec dotal- body part worth obsessing about?We all seem to have strayed from the topic.Those people should bless their bottom socks that they are now BRITISH!Magic Hoops-I know, I know but we do it better together-economy of scales and all that. Better one RAF than a RSAF,REAF,RWAF and RNIAF. Anyway speak to you guys later-off with the wife to see a show and eat-not chinese-avoiding salmondella poisoning at all costs!
Anec
Very well. I give you 2 camels and a pack of monkey nuts for the wife with the big Obachakas???
Good price!!! You like????
Magic Hoops 2, James Bond big man Ukraine. Seen Conery fight Russians submarine. You see?
291
AJ of Fife, I go now. Ukraine men go drink this time Friday. Cheap vodka in pub - Glen's.
A nec dot al- no just a spot on Alicks neck.Didnt see Paul M when I was there in July-hauntingly beautiful but ****ing cold!
295-doing bravely spook but cant talk now the wee wife is calling. Its great to be British in Africa!
Hunner bagged
happy drinking...have one for me!!!
Aw the best Anec!!
Isn't it great how the internet creates a world community!!??? Look at wee Anec there, we got a real insight intae a Ukrainian's life!!! Amazin'!!:)
Dinny fancy an insight intae big Olga tho!!!
You durty midden you robbed the spook!!!....spook no chuffed in the slightest
#286 W U Merchant.
Quite correct sir. He received his education before the cut backs were forced on us by the fascist Fife Council / Region. He could therefore spell which was a pretty essential thing for a journalist. Unfortunately he was forced to leave Auchtermuchty due to the lack of opportunity created by the mandarins in Glenrothes. Don't tell anybody but I don't think he was a true patriot. He accepted a Knighthood from the Queen of Scotland and England. Also I was never a great fan of the Sunday Express either. (the express could hardly be described as avidly pro independence)
Talking of the Queen we really don't know how we are going to deal with the House of Hanover constitutionally in an independent Auchtermuchty. A conundrum.
Aye that wiz a guid wee experience like. Unlike Olga where the experience of certain death will probably loom upon you quicker than one of her farts
An insight intae Olga??? one word comes to mind neeber....Ooyah!!!! -)
Spook and Magic,
When it comes tae hunnerbaggin' ye've a lot tae learn!!! Jist watch and learn!:)
Lol Spook
I feel Edinburgh shaking. Surprising being in South Gyle lol
Olga soonds like the sort o' wumin, ye need a davy lamp wi'!!!
#309 AJ
what about H*n Baggin??? me and Spook would be into that aint that right spook???. Would take a pretty big bag to bag up Olga and ship her off to a war zone to end a conflict haha
#313
Lol....i wonder where the hole(s) are *titter*
I'll have my eyes peeled as good as one of his oranges lol....Me and Spook hunt to kill arrrrggggg
#314
Spook read above...boy from Ukraines wife -)
#251. The Fly Fifer: Ok thats what you are!!!what is everyone else I wonder?
#266. Tax the poor, there's more of them: Yer cruel!!!
Folk can lable themselfs what they like and espesaly when it's no on formal docummentation like here. Unless the Scotsmand form is formal documentation.
No unessary labling!!!!!
#11.Arthur C, manila / 3:52am 10 Aug 2007.‘#8 you are insular and narrow minded. There will never be independence (luckily) because too many people realise the benefits of being scottish and british. I am happy to be both.’
Regardless of what you believe Arthur, while there are separate countries within the UK, there is always more chance that one day we will become independent, much in the same way as flipping a coin.
#25.Navvy / 7:21am 10 Aug 2007 ‘Born in Scotland = British I wonder whether #1 has ever travelled abroad - is that outside Scotland? What passport did he use?’
As we are not given a choice between having a Scottish or British passport, and it is a legal requirement for us to have a British passport when travelling abroad, your question is obviously loaded.
#31.Rulesbutnotrulers, Erewhon / 7:34am 10 Aug 2007 ‘Being Scottish and British is mutually inclusive, whether you like it or not! Mutually inclusive is a fact yes, but it doesn’t mean that it is mutually inclusive in a beneficial manner, and the reason so many of us wish this link severed is because of this lack of beneficial inclusiveness.
#43.master-mariner, at sea. / 8:13am 10 Aug 2007 ‘Puskas: glad to see your still spouting drivle.. too much Buckie for you old son.I take it that by your opening sentence you were born british? And that you have destroyed your British Passport.’
Master-mariner, tell me, if a person is still spouting drivel, why would a person be still glad of it? Is it in some way to hide your own inadequacies behind, or should I say try too?
#57.Draco Was a Wimp, Edinburgh / 8:48am 10 Aug 2007‘Do you wake up every day looking forward to revelling in your victimhood? This 'colonial power' crap is so tiresome, and indicative of someone with a deliberately skewed take on Scotland's history. The last I knew, the majority of our forefathers took part in the UKs colonial past with as much, if not more, enthusiasm as the other nations of the Union.’
Ah the tiresome ploy, indicative, I think, by those with no decent answer to an argument.Our forefathers made the best of a poor situation, and chose to call themselves Northern Britains to show their commitment, but the English chose to ignore this and stick with English. If you decide to read a book call ‘The Scottish Enlightenment’ by Arthur Herman, you will find out exactly how far they went with this whole British thing, including the saving of the British Empire etc….If you look at the last fifty years of Scottish history, it will be impossible for you to miss just how much the agreement in the act of union 1707 has been reneged on by all Westminster governments, make your own mind up on the evidence, not on the drivel you have believed in the past.
I love the reference to "R18" as a film classification. You have to know the rating system for hard-core porn in order to be a citizen. Priceless.
#61.Draco Was a Wimp, Edinburgh / 8:59am 10 Aug 2007‘I don't know what history books you've been reading. OK, the Union was unpopular and entered into through some aristocratic skullduggery but I don't remember any mass rebellion by the Scottish people since. Seems we have been and are pretty comfortable in being in a Union with the English, Welsh and Northern Irish. We're not oppressed, we're not victims (unlike Guga) and have the option to secede when the MAJORITY want to. Get over it.’
Apart from the riots at the time, you are right, though after tens of thousands of people dying from famine a few years before the union, and the crown’s draconian acts of parliament, stopping most of the money make opportunities, as it became obvious the Darian disaster hadn’t actually crushed Scotland, you might have expected more. But after the ’45, who would have taken the chance? It is true, after the work of Scots of the Scottish Enlightenment; things did get more comfortable, because we made it so for everyone through our ideas and education.You say we are not oppressed in Scotland, though if the Scottish people are against a proposal at Westminster, and there have been a few, where most Scots vote against the idea, but their English counterparts vote in favour, are we not oppressed at those times?
#67.Draco Was a Wimp, Edinburgh / 9:17am 10 Aug 2007 ‘#65 Ochone OchoneOh, I remember, we were banned from learning off our own backs. Scottish history books were prohibited and we got sent to prison by the nasty English troopers who roamed the countryside looking for rebels. I remember it clearly in the 60s. My grandmother was taken away and tortured by the Quisling authorities for telling me about William Wallace. I , and 1000s of others have been hiding out in the hills and fighting the redcoats ever since. You Nats really need to grow up. You can't even get our constitutional position in the UK right. We're already an independent country. Just one that happens to have been in a Union with another independent country for the last 300 years. Accept that the MAJORITY of your fellow Scots are not racking themselves with worry about the status quo.’
An observation by some people abroad just this last year, ‘how come Scots know so much about world history, but are comparatively ignorant about their own’. Fact is Scottish history was thought of as being dangerous, as it could lead to nationalism. The pieces of history Scots generally know is a mixture of pieces that could not be hidden, and other bit that have been changed to suit the unionist perspective, why do you think the ideas by Scottish philosophers in the Scottish Enlightenment that created what we know as modernity, have not been placed in every history text book the length and breadth of the UK?
188
I am not getting too excited about this poll.
Progressive Scottish Opinion don't subscribe to the same industry standard as others - they use the same methodology that had Neil Kinnock winning the 1992 general election.
So it can be questioned actually.
Methalions., #326.Must go now, if you wish to answer anything I have put down do so and I will answer if I have too on other days.
"10. a) £5, £10, £20, £50"
Where is the Scottish £1note, why it no mentioed?
I think the Spook in Leith and Galactic Cannibal share a flat together and this is how they communicate.
The house is in a permanent haze.
#332. Miss H: Really, someone though that Neil Kinnock, would become PM in 1992?
Is that why some of his machines were a wee bit dodgy when doing the count in May Revenge!!!! :L
#335. Miss H : awh is that how Spooks knows that GC really lives!!!!
P.S. Spooks, I once had a flatmate that argued with me on everything.
Oh look any emigrant that want to settle here is to google the correct words and they can access the questions and answers.
A 100% questions correct, curtious of the the internet.
#334 Eve
We've had all that, the Scottish £100 note is missing too.
What occurred to me though is that (if I recall correctly) Scottish notes are not legal tender but are of promissory nature and not legal in the UK outside of Scotland (though may be accepted at discretion).
Several years ago I went to about a dozen banks in the Netherlands to change traveller cheques without luck before arriving at the largest bank in Amsterdam and spoke to the manager. He was good enough to write me a note as everyone refused to change them as they did not recognise a Scottish currency (the cheques were issued by Bank of Scotland).
21. I'm no really here. Good post and Im surprised more people havent tried their own list. For any who actually botherted to read the article this the the 'Scottish washed' version of the questions. I would have liked to have seen the previous list.
Here is my own toung in cheek answers to some of them:
1. a) How many people live in the countries of the UK? What the UK isnt a country?b) What is the census and how is census data collected and used? The census is a study the government uses to try to catch: illegals, tax dodgers and council tax avoiders as well as to estimate the number of practicing Jedi.c) How many people in the UK belong to an ethnic minority and which are the country's largest minority groups? What? Q 1 a) states the uk is a GROUP of countries, now in 1 c) its one country....Is this a trick question?Scots are the largest ethnic minority in the UK. They are split into British sycophants and nationalistic dreamers devout to the on true God - Alex Salmond.
2. REGIONS OF BRITAINa) Where are Geordie, Cockney and Scouse dialects spoken? Television soaps and sitcoms.b) What languages other than English are spoken in Northern Ireland, Scotland and Wales? Java, C, Assembly etc
3. RELIGION AND TOLERANCEa) How many people say they have a religion? Depends what game is on.b) What are the largest religious groups? This might be Dire straights or maybe Clannad.c) What is the Church of England and who is its head? A church in England. The minister.
4. CUSTOMS AND TRADITIONSa) Which sports and sporting events are popular in the UK? Sabre rattling, US @ss licking and foreign conflict under false pretences.
c) What and when are the patron saints' days of the four countries of the UK? What there are four countries again?d) What are the main Christian festivals? Getting your end away and getting drunk.
5. HOW THE UNITED KINGDOM IS GOVERNED
#339. Tim (Blairgowrie): awh right, I don't read every post, though!!!
Was worth mentioning again though (well, I'm no reading every single comment so I don't preduces a duplicate).
#341 Eve
What? You don't? What the hell's wrong with you?!
Oh okay then, fair point well taken. :)
I still prefer Norman "Tebbit's Cricket Test", which I failed miserably...Yoda be praised!
Census statisticians may wonder why I didn't type that in my native tongue.
#340. David MacVicar: wheres the other 10 Subjects?
I back from pub. Sell how you say contrabing vodka from Schottland - Glen's. Pesh.
316
Magic Hoops 2, you no laugh about Anecs wife. Good big woman. Strong. She fight Russians.
Magic Hoops 2, you tell me football team you like. Any?
Hey U squawking Scottish Dudes.
Obsession , fanaticism, rule the SNP groupies in this thread.
Its better than going to Disneyland and seeing Donald Duck try to kiss Mickey Mouse, when Pop- Eye got there first..
348
david macvicar, you tell me what is saltire?
Bravo David McVicar. I am in compete agreement.Take no notice of those pathetic whingers (eg Guga).
351
What is McTaggert-Skye? I knoe Dick Mctaggart. Him great boxer.
344. Eve, Scotland
Dude ,You are not alone in this thread, and in these posts, when it comes to fanatical outbursts about the Saltire , lack of Scottish mnoey, independence etc. There are many others here like you.
But unlike in China, you in Scotland can express your feelings and views to the Scottish public at large, and to all foreigners who enter here. Without fear of arrest.
Sometimes these outbursts come close OCD. (my opinion)
OCD a trait you and the others don't need.
If you develop a OCD state of mind, it will sink any chance of Scotland becoming independent.
And escaping from the dreaded English controllers.
GC (concerned foreinger)
Surprising number of references to Scottish one pound notes! I feel a joke coming on...
353
Galactic Cannibal you I like. You big how you say chancer. What is SHAT? You tell Anec.
354
McTaggert-Skye, what Scottish pound notes?
I don't want to pass a Britishness test as I do not consider myself to be British.
And besides the answer to Q10a is wrong. UK bank notes are £1, £5, £10, £20, £50, £100.
Scotland issues £1 and £100 but does not issue £50. The answer is only relevant to English bank notes so stick your test up your Empire (where the sun has set) or set proper questions like do you swear to uphold the traditions of this country?
Is there now two David McVicar on this site?
Where does Dougie the racist get his statistic that the majority of the population of London consists of immigrants? (#120) For the life of me I can't find that anywhere. Surely he hasn't just made it up out of thin prejudice?
#355. Anec Dotal: Is it no French for Cat!!!!!
GalacticCannibal
If you were watching a Cricket Test(baseball type game) between say, England and The West Indies.
Who would you want to win?
#357. Jock Tamson: Me too!!!
I think alot of the questions are irrelavent to Scotland. Most Scots wouldn't know the answer to them unless, they had lived in the other countries
Amasingly David McVicar No.1. (or in comment #340 point out they keep choping and changing from countries (the correct term, in my opinion) and country. I think that could cause a wee bit of confusion too!
344. Eve.
Had to go out, so didnt get time for anymore. WHich I am sure many are thankful for :)
There is only one David MacVicar, dont know about the imitators no matter how many commas are added by the fakers.
361. Col Blimp III If I was watching a test cricket game between anyone it could only have meant I had had a lobotomy.
365. David MacVicar, web
I had often wondered why at those five day affairs, there were no stewards.
Only medics doing GCS observations on the "spectators".
Is that where the term "Cricket 11" comes from?
The average GCS score of a fan.
#364. David MacVicar: The imitator (or odd imitator at that) was at Number #348!!!!
I thought Unionists liked Cricket.
Ill try Golf.
My favourite figure from Scottish history is King James II, he prohibited the playing of Golf because it was having a detrimental effect on the nations performance at Archery.
I mean what is more useful!
Being able to knock a small white ball into a hole with a stick?
Or put an arrow in an invading Englishman's neck from 200 yards?
#370. Col Blimp III : Whats with the sports talk?
Col Blimp,
You're being a tad unfair about cricket as a sport, but I would agree the proceedings could be livened up!!!
Swap the ba' for a live grenade and things could get interesting!!! Nae capeys though!!!
Has everyone been drinking expt me?
371. Eve
It started with me mentioning "The Cricket Test", it was suggested by a Cabinet Minister from about 25yrs ago as a way of measuring "Britishness".
e.g. If you were a British National of say Pakistani ethnic origin.
What team did you cheer when ENGLAND played Pakistan at Cricket.
Lots of people in Scotland bought lapel badges saying - I failed The Cricket Test!
Hi Eve,
Could well be the case, I've jist polished aff a nice £2.99 Chianti fae Lidl's!!!! Will a open anither?
#374. Col Blimp III: Awh right, I was about 1ish back then, My 1st meoary is in 1983 and it doesnae involve badges, oddly enough.
Kind of redunant now that the Scots have a cricket team!! I wonder wear they found the Scottish cricketers from, in school the clost ed thing we played to it was rounders.
Can we no call Scottish Cricket Rounders, so it's more furimailer to us Scots. :L
370, Colonal, Sah! And ye futeball. Believe he was looking out over the North Inch in Perth at the time.
373, Eve. Me drinking? Just started and just stopped. I only had the dregs of a bottle of wine in the flat (1/2 a glass - full). Cheers
Why cant we have a test for politicians, namely a lie detector test
376. Eve, Scotland
I just Goggled it, turns out it was only 17yrs ago.
My Little Pony and Gummy Bear badges would probably been more your your kind of badge at the time.
#353, Gannetic Goofball - are you really a concerned forefinger? Anec, and possibly Olga, might want to know what that is.
#378. Mr A Roy: BUT even if they did do that the wans in Westminsters results would be kept secreet cause their exempt from the freedom for infromation Act.
nite nite everywan am borried way the days storys and am goney sleep and dream about being ..........
Let them in if they know who Matt Munro was.
A sad loss to us all.
Yous youngsters , just listen to that voice!!!
Would it be too pc not to include some practical Britishness tests like a blindfold spirit tasting?
Whisky, gin, vodka, brandy and tequila.
Q. Which of these was distilled in England?A. None.Acceptable response after drinking all 5 = Could you repeat the question?
#379. Col Blimp III: Ah My little pony, Gummy bear sweeties and leafleting. Was that the year of the trim ball!!! I loved my trimball
Ah Happy childhood memorays!!!!!
Born freeFree as the wind blows.....
What a voice and he smoked like a powerstation lum!!!
#383. Jock Tamson: Ha ha, would that be Scottish Whisky or the cheap imitation stuff.
That could be a better test which of these whiskys was made in Scotland.
Nite nite defently going to sleep now!!!!
AJ, Jock Tamson
I have two unopened bottles.
One a Chilean Cono Sur [viognier] 2006 , I have been scared to open in case it tastes like vinegar.
Two a Lindemans bin65 Chardonnay (2000) that looks like it has been a minor prize in several raffles.
My knowledge of wines is on a par with Rab C Nesbit's knowledge of Croquet.
Can you help me choose?
MATT MUNRO. Yes I am shouting!!
Listen Listen Listen Listen Listen Listen Listen Listen Listen Listen Listen Listen Listen Listen Listen Listen
#387. Col Blimp III.If it smells of old football socks when you open the bottle,just hold your nose an belt it down!!There is too much crap spoken about wine nowadays!!
I would go for the Chilean, the Australian stuff was shipped frozen and bottled in Darlington!!! You wouldn't use it to de-ice an ootdoor cludgie!!!!
Of course, taste is a purely personal thing!!!:)
Dear #148 you say:"I disagree with these tests entirely. After all when was the last time that a bunch of brits migrating for economic gain or retirement were quizzed on the history or culture of their chosen destination before settling in?" My neighbor achieved dual British-American citizenship a year ago. He returned from our own US version of the "Stupid Citizen" test rather wrung out. I asked him what some of the questions were. First, they gave every applicant a sheet of paper with the 50 possible questions and the answers to study (no purchainf an expensive booklet.)And then it was an oral test with him and the examiner.One question that challenged him, but that in the end he got right was to name the 13 Original Colonies (British).I thought it poetic justice or even irony (although someone posting on here doesn't think we Americans are capable of irony).Of course a Brit, should have to name the Colonies we shoved them out of to gain our Independence. I am surprised he wasn't asked, for a bonus point, to name the chief exports and mottoes of each colony as well.Recently I read that the US Immigration Dept. (who hates all immigrants) is devising a harder, more detailed test.... probably to keep the riff-raff out!
hmm, a glass of Chilean wine sounds great...you pouring, AJ?
#390. AJ of Fife
I think the Aussie wine is OK. The Fosters and other beers are produced in London with water that has been through seven sets of kidneys. The best beer from Australia is Castlemaine and the best rum is Bundeburg!!
Hi Lanna,
Have a wee sip yersel!!!! Chilean wine was always a good loosener!!!!;)
#13 G.C.Come on, Bush & Cheney are from Red Neck Counties? I am not sure about Cheney but I don't think Bush is!
Problem with these test is that: most of the indigenous population of Britain would fail it!!!
Skatedad,
At least the basic ingredient for the beer is tried and tested!!!!! The Aussie wine can be very acidic and have the occasional Aboriginal nasal hair floating aboot!!!
396 Sorry finger fell off, should have said "tests"
#391 that's funny, keep the riffraff out...they don't need to revise the test, they just need to make the illegal border crossing more difficult, and revise the anchor baby clause...
AJ, darlin, where's mah glass o' vino?! I've got the Tiramasu ready...
and the 400...
400!!!!!!
#394 There you are, AJ...I thought that was any wine...
#396 would that be...sad but true
gotcha, AJ
Lanna,
Hey honey, don't cha remember, the tiramisu brings yer nipples oot in a rash!!!!
Why thank you Lanna, and well done on the hunner!!!
Calamine will help with that rash
why not do what australia did during its white australia policy early 1900s to keep non whites out, give would be migrants or citizen, a dictation in chinese or some other lanuage to qualify and let into the country. I don't see any difference between that dictation and the british home office test. they are both racial and insulting to people who have been living in the country for years,to be subjected to, and want to belong.
tsk tsk, AJ, tellin secrets....
Sorry Lanna, but I don't want you in any discomfort!!
Next time, we'll try an Arctic Roll!! There's 101 things you can do with one of those babies!!!
Are you allergic to jam?
A telt ye!! The Aussie stuff is like cat p*ss, they keep aw the guid stuff doon there!!!
Colonel, Sah!
If you've already skelped one bottle of wine I do not think it matters much which one you open next. If in doubt go for the one nearest the 14% mark with the nicest label but open it well in advance of consuming it.
Consume within 3 hours of opening.
AJ, you're gonna get all these gents all worked up....strawberry's good.....
now, how 'bout that yummy California wine...
What a load of nonsense. Perhaps to be just to everyone, all citizens of all the nations within the UK should be made to take the test as a condition of their remaining in the Country. if they fail, zip them out somewhere near Kandahar.
Liberty, Fraternity, Equality, and Justice for all, as the friends of Scotland say!
Disgusted, Camping in the Cairngorms National park
Ye cannae whack the Co-op for wine. Cape red@£2.99. Aussie red at ever increasing prices. Bulgarian, Chilean, Argentinean, Anythingean apart from French, German and Italian.
Jock,
I think most of the supermarket stock is good value!! Haven't stooped tae the plastic bottled stuff yet, but if a wiz a jakey.........
AJ. Tesco did a French table wine in a plastic 1.5lt bottle. Tried it once and it was OK as a table wine. But not for an after dinner sup before retiring to the computer and making comments on Scotsan threads.
My ex wife found a cheeky little jolly beau in Asda one day - that is why she is my ex wife. She brought him home and I had to leave.
If born in this country they are British whether muslim or hindu or christian and have birthright to stay in this country.The text of my comment is purely to apply to immigrants ie not British by birth.So if you were born in UK then you have no need to be concerned.The intention is simply to discriminate in favour of those born in the UK and to ensure it is the people of the UK who benefit from the hard won conditions we now have- well at least those we have not already lost.
Are we all waiting for the morning edition? My 'liquor locker' ( a nod to Master Mariner) is running low.
Did the "cheeky little beau" do you a favour or didye punch his lights oot?
395. Tobytoo, CT. U.S.A.
Dude,Bush has live in Texas since he was 3 years old
Happy SHAT Day
I am British, but I was actually born in Bermuda, of a Scottish father and a fourth-generation Bemudian mother. I studied in Scotland for four years, completing a BA at the end of my time there. I have no doubt that the vast majority of Bermudians would not have any idea of the answers to the questions listed. If the Scottish Parliament was given the same autonomy and power that the Bermudian Parliament enjoys, there would not be as much of an argument for independence. However, there are still calls for Bermuda to become independent, largely as a result of some over-inflated egos on the Bermudian political scene. I have a good friend who studied at uni with me, and she is very pro-SNP, but not to the point of hating all English people. I have no great love of President Bush or VP Cheney, and although Bemuda is British, you would never find us sending any troops to Iraq for that red-neck Bush (BTW he's from the biggest red-neck state, Texas).
#414 hope you're enjoying the camping!
#417 maybe that was a good thing??
Gallbladder CauliflowerDo you never sleep?
AJ. Must confess that the cheeky little beau story was made up as I was typing.
GC. Meta was asking for you
So it was one of those Freudian slip things - yer up for a threesome!!!
Personally I would prefer it if the third party was a wifie (with her ain teeth), but whatever tickles yer cookies Jock!!!:)
As one o' them infernal "ootsiders" what cain't help but be charmed by your country (and my heritage), I've been oor to Scotland 4 times noo - most recently just 2 weeks ago, on my honeymoon (my wife is of 1/2 Scottish ancestry as well!).
A couple things:1. In four trips over, I've yet to see a 1-pound note. Seems strange, as it would cost less to manufacture, yes? And certainly easier to carry a bunch of, rather than pound-coins weighting doon yer pockets, I would think...
But on to the more important question: the Scottish Economy. Bear in mind that I have nothing but utter respect for Scotland (not necessarily GB - and fark Tony Blair).
A few years ago, I toyed with the idea of doing my PhD somewhere in the UK, preferably in, or as near as I could get to, my lovely Scotland - wherever I could get accepted for a Program.
Turns out that, for a Yank, or any other outsider, I'd have had to show - actually SHOW - that I had the full tuition for X-number (2-3) years for the program already in my pocket, PLUS that many years' of housing, living, eating etc, costs, before I would be accepted for a program in the UK. AND, that I would not be allowed to WORK in the UK while I was there (presumably, so as not to take a job away from a native UK-er).
This screams to me, "Bad economy! BAD economy!! Sure, we'll gladly take your money - for tuition, housing, eating, entertainment - but don't even THINK of taking a job away from someone here, 'cause things kinda suck, work-wise!"
So here's the punchline: Can Scotland even THINK about becoming independant from the UK, if times are so tight financially? How much does Scotland gain by being part of the UK? How much would it LOSE by becoming NOT part of the UK? And - if there's a significant difference between those two numbers - then how would an Independent Scotland make up the (significant) difference?
In brief - COULD Scotland go it alone? And how would it do
The concept of Britishness only resides in the demented, patriotic-card-playing mind of Gordon Brown. It was abandoned two generations ago by us Scots. And now the English , bless them , have followed suit. I should imagine it's much the same story in Welsh Wales. Even in Northern Ireland, I detect a subtle shift in direction with the redoubtable, Union Jack-waving Doctor Paisley, surprisingly , in the cockpit of change - along with old green eyes(sic), Martin McGuinness.
I didn't realize that so many Scots want to separate from England. To me it seems really childish, what will you do throw money away for a defence system close your borders with customs inspectors? What difference does the passport make. Grow up.
#432. So we can expect the Israeli borders to be opened so Palestinians can move freely in their own country that you occupy?
Renate
I agree with you. National borders are a waste of time.
Would you like to be my envoy for the proposed Greater Middle East region that will replace outdated entities such as Israel, Egypt etc?
If you live long enough, you end up experiencing all sorts of weird curiosities!!!!
Like an Israeli offering an opinion on border defence and the right of Scotland to be independent!!!!!!!!
An ISRAELI......what a joke!!!!!
Have the Israelis finished building their big wa' yet?
#432.Renate Baramy, Israel / 8:17am 11 Aug 2007‘I didn't realize that so many Scots want to separate from England. To me it seems really childish, what will you do throw money away for a defence system close your borders with customs inspectors? What difference does the passport make. Grow up.’
Renate Baramy, the Scots you are talking about are not after being separated from England, we are after being separated from the Westminster government, by separating from what is known as Britain. The money spent on our own defence, minus nuclear weaponry, would come the same way as any other countries. While Scotland and England remain in the European Union it is unlikely the borders will be closed. You ask me what difference the passport would make; the passport identifies a person with the country they come from. Around the world when people see Britain they have the habit of seeing England, and for Scots we like to be identified as Scots without having to reiterate we are Scots and not English.
Well, in Canada, the only other country I know anything about, when one applies for Citizenship; one is given a booklet to study and on the apponted day, one is quizzed thoroughly by a JUDGE who will then decide whether or not to give you the prized paper. Why shouldn't this be a good idea for Gret Birtain and Scotland too?
430 KEVIN CRAWFORD
The 50% of Scottish blood your wife poccesses is it the top half or the bottom and what nationality is the remaider.
Ever though we all have the same blood we just live elsewhere and its because of people like you who have made the world what is and needing all these borders
I am somewhat worried about the future of my country when I read some of these comments.Of course, we who are Scottish, by birth, lineage and deepest feeling are Scottish first and foremost, BUT we are, like it or not also, by political definition British. By all means change this, but until we do we are British.It seems to me that some have a head-in-the-sand approach to such subjects. "If I say I am not British then I am not and we'll just move on to the next subject" is hardly the attitude of mature people who want to change their society and move forward as a free and efficient country.
The point to the test is not to make people FEEL more British, but to test their knowledge of the country and how it functions. For decades we have admitted people to the UK who do not speak English and do not care what anyone in the country likes, feel, thinks or believes.The object of this exercise is to bring some of the factors of British life to their attention and to get them to learn some thing about their adoptive country. As the United Kingdom is still United then a test which covers some of the aspects of all of the country is appropriate. When we get Independence we can set out own tests.
The Canadians do not give citizenship to people who have no clue how the country functions and can not speak either of the official languages. Having passed such a test I do not, in the remotest degree, feel Canadian, but I do understand a little of what matters to those who do. Could this not be one definition of citizenship; to care about what matters to others in the country whose citizenship papers you desire?
I'm Scottish. I'm not British (any more than a Canadian is North American) and I don't want to BE British so there!
# 435
Amen to that and Viva Palestine!
Ye can add another to the "I'm Scottish and don't care" list. When will England get used to the fact that Scotland, Ireland and Wales are all seperate countries and generally don't want anythin to do with them?
People wishing to become UK citizens should be asked some honest questions about the UK and its make up. Question 1............ There are people of one faith only who are constitutionally barred from becoming monarch? Answer......... Catholics. Question 2............. Which country in the European union has the distinction of not allowing Catholics to become Prime Minister of that country? Answer.............. The UK. Question 3.............Which country in the European Union has a parliamentary system which demands that every elected MP swear allegiance to the sectarian monarchy of that country ,under pain of expulsion? Answer.............The UK. I am quite sure that if the people concerned were asked these questions, and told the answers ,then they would think twice about becoming UK citizens.
