Prince William has apparently asked his girlfriend, Kate Middleton, to wait until after his eight-year stint in the RAF is complete before they get married.
Dear Kate,
WHAT'S a girl to do? You put up with paparazzi trailing you everywhere, as well as endless scrutiny of your wardrobe and speculation about your job. You even get snootiness from certain quarters about your mother, whose only crime is to
be a former air stewardess and the kind of woman who says "toilet" rather than "lavatory".
Why do you put up with this? For love, of course. You love your boyfriend: the fact that his surname is Wales and he's second in line to the throne adds a certain frisson to the story, but come on – barring the first-class education and a life of privilege that most of us can scarcely even imagine, you're both just people, right?
I realise we don't know each other and, as I'm about to give you advice relating to a personal relationship, you may think me just a little bit cheeky. But the news that your royal other half has chosen the RAF over you compels me to say something.
All relationships require compromise, of course: but if someone you've already been going out with for six years asks you to wait another eight before you can marry, surely that's a compromise too far? You'll be 34 before you get to wear the white frock, and you'll have been with the same man for 14 years. That's a long engagement in anyone's book. Too long? Only you can be the judge of that.
You're a regular fixture at palaces and polo matches, the camera loves you and you love the ski slopes. It's a good match. Apparently even the Queen likes you and Prince Charles thinks you're charming. With all of this, it's fair to say you might expect to hear the chime of wedding bells sometime soon.
You're 26, you've been with him since university, you've had the obligatory split and got back together – so why the hold-up? Bookies will no longer take bets on whether it will happen and, apparently, Woolworths has 100,000 products ready to hit the shelves as soon as the betrothal is announced.
Can you imagine how the poor fool who ordered thousands of "Celebrating the Royal Marriage of William & Kate" plates felt, when he heard the news that rather than pop the question William wants to pop into an RAF helicopter for the next eight years?
The thing is, Kate, it seems you've been here before. The last break you and Prince Charming took was when he was based with his Army pals at Bovingdon camp in Dorset. Allegedly he neglected you for his buddies and you put your foot down. Fair play, I'd say. He may have come round that time, but now it seems he's lost it again. Maybe growing up as a prince makes you take it for granted that people will always be around to serve you … but Kate, is he really worth it?
Your relationship has been the most interesting thing that's happened to the Royal family in years. Finally, there's someone good-looking to grace the pages of fashion magazines and glossies and to provide fodder for gossip columns. For moving the story on we thank you, but perhaps your duty has now been served?
You don't have to be a relationships expert to know that when someone chooses work over getting hitched, things aren't exactly peachy (especially if they don't need the salary). And if the emotional side of things is too fraught to contemplate, let's get practical.
From January, he's going to spend 18 months training as a pilot. Then he'll have to commit to another six years in the RAF to make the million quid they'll have spent on his training worthwhile. I'm all for taxpayers' money being well spent, but do you really want to hang about just hoping he's going to pop the question?
The RAF runs six search-and-rescue bases in the UK and he's likely to be stationed at one of them while training. Where are they, you ask? Lossiemouth, Boulmer, Leconfield, Valley, Wattisham and Chivenor. Nope, barring Lossiemouth, I've never heard of them either. As a military wife you'd be playing second fiddle to a yellow chopper, far away from Clarence House, Windsor Polo Club and Mahiki, while your beloved winches fishermen out of the sea.
Think about it, Kate: do you really want to be Queen that much? Or is time to move on and find a more enthusiastic top-drawer suitor while you're still young enough to snap one up?
The full article contains 786 words and appears in The Scotsman newspaper.
