Flirty dancing

If you want to command a room, or get someone special to notice you, perhaps you should go back to school. Flirting school

I THINK FLIRTING IS ALL ABOUT CONFI-dence, giving compliments and smiling," says a male friend when I tell him I'm going to a new Superflirt women-only workshop. Pah, I think, how naive, there's loads more to it than that. Surely there's some trickery that renders you irresistible to any member of the opposite sex?

My long-term partner seems to go with my theory too, and is anxious about my participation in this workshop. He must be fretting that I'll unleash some hidden powers, which have thus far been lying very, very dormant. Well, lots of people do believe there are unknown secrets to seduction – just look at the popularity of "how to flirt" books such as Flirt Coach by Peta Heskell, or Superflirt by Tracey Cox.

No wonder that, in this cordoned-off corner of a George Street bar, there's a good turn-out of attractive women. They're already a bit giggly, after swiftly downing a glass of champagne each, and are excited about the new techniques that might help them fill their little black books with names and numbers. There's a wide age range, including single girls, a new divorcee and women with partners who have come along "for a laugh". Our tutor for the next two hours is Lorraine Kirkman, who has been running these workshops for a couple of years in England, as part of her job as owner of an "erotic boutique". This will be her first class in Scotland, and she has high hopes for us.

"I think everyone has a 'superflirt' – a sensual, powerful being – inside," says the blonde, pencil-skirted and be-spectacled Kirkman. "I've designed these workshops to allow women to let that inner person out. We do that by explaining what flirting is. Then we try to boost each participant's confidence and self-esteem by showing them how to get the attention they want."

So, once we've completed the workshop, will the world, and all the men in it, be at our mercy?

"Not quite, but if builders say something to you, you can half-flirt with them back, rather than mumbling under your breath and stropping off. Or, you might be able to get away with being a penny short for the bus if you flirt with the driver," says Kirkman. "You could even try to manipulate your way towards getting the last biscuit at work."

How disappointing. Still, that must be just if you're holding your powers in reserve, I think, feeling increasingly like a megalomaniac. Once we've all shuffled into the seating booths, Kirkman kicks off proceedings by asking a few elementary questions.

"What is flirting?" she asks.

"It's an expression of playfulness," replies one lady.

"It's a language that works on a subconscious level," says another. Then Kirkman asks when we last flirted, with answers including "yesterday", "today" and "give me a chance, I've just left the office"; and how these actions made us feel – "empowered", "depends on the response". However, it's the question "What stops you from flirting?" that gets the biggest reaction.

"Fear of rejection," is one answer. "I don't want to look stupid," say a few others.

It sounds as if we all need an extra measure of confidence to boost our flirting mojos. So, to fake that all-important self-assurance, Kirkman shows us how to do the "slide and sweep glance". For the uninitiated, this involves catching the eye of your intended for three seconds, then looking away, before giving a sweeping glance back. If you want to see this technique in action, according to Kirkman, you should watch Samantha Jones, played by Kim Cattrall, in Sex and the City. However, Kirkman warns that going over the three-second period can have the opposite effect. To demonstrate, she asks us to stare into the eyes of another participant for four seconds. I do this with a super-glam brunette and realise that this tiny measure of time can feel like an eternity. In fact, I look away before the last second because it's so uncomfortable.

"If you look at someone for more than is appropriate, then it looks like you either want to have sex with them, or fight them," says Kirkman. "Try to have three-second eye contact with three people a day, that'll help build up 'eye confidence'. Then you can even start throwing in a wink."

Gulp. So, if you make your feelings blatantly clear, how can you tell if they're reciprocated? Kirkman explains that we should look out for the opposite sex gazing at our face and decolletage in a "triangular" fashion. She doesn't say if that's an isosceles or an equilateral, but I get the picture.

It's explained that, when we're talking to strangers, we usually look from eye to eye and across the bridge of the nose. With friends, we look at the eyes, but also down the face, to include the nose and mouth. Once we start flirting (either consciously or unconsciously), the triangle gets even bigger. It widens at the bottom to include the upper torso of your intended. If someone is looking at you like this, and you also notice that their pupils are dilated, they're blinking more frequently and doing the "eyebrow flash" (a self-descriptive sign of attraction) then, take Kirkman's word for it, they're hooked on you.

Just remember to keep impressing them with your scintillating conversation, rather than just silently staring at their "triangle".

For that, Kirkman shows us how to improve our chat delivery. First we get to our feet, put our hands on our chests and make an "om" noise. This is, allegedly, so we can practise lowering the pitch of our voices. "Just hum away," she says. "Think about all the famous femme fatales. None of them have high voices, it's much sexier if you keep your voice low." Once we've tamed our Minnie Mouse squeaks, we master the walk to match the talk. Clearing a catwalk along the middle of the floor, Kirkman glides slowly and confidently from one end of the room to the other – head up, glancing from side to side, with an understated wiggle. She also shows us another Samantha Jones trick – when entering the room, one must pause and slowly look around, for a count of two. We try this, before emulating her sashay.

Then, all too soon, the final lesson is delivered – how to deal with unwanted attention.

"Just reverse everything I've told you," says Kirkman. "Fold your arms and look away."

Ah, OK, I need to know that. I don't want to be surrounded by sub-standard groupies from the moment the curtains of this alcove are drawn. Especially as my boyfriend is coming to collect me. Which reminds me, are you allowed to partake in the art of flirting when you're already taken? "Of course, it's harmless," says Kirkman. "If your other half knows you, he'll understand that you're just being playful and friendly."

Still, when he asks me how it went, I might just keep my newly discovered skills under my hat and tell him that flirting is all about "confidence, compliments and smiling". After all, ignorance is bliss. sm

n The Living Room's next Superflirt sessions are on 11 September in Edinburgh (113-115 George Street) and 12 September in Glasgow (150 St Vincent Street).

• The two-hour seminar costs £25 per person, including champagne, canapés and a goody bag. Contact Imogene Deery, tel: [phone] or visit www.thelivingroom.co.uk