If you do one thing this week

TEACH A MAN TO IRON

I'VE never understood how anyone can avoid ironing. Surely my washing machine is not the only one that spits out clothes twisted into a giant, damp knot? And I can't be alone in believing that the crumpled look, fine for gardening or a spot of DIY, just isn't right for business meetings, romantic dinners, or really anything that involves appearing in public.

You might think I'm being terribly old-fashioned, but now I realise I am not alone. A survey by iron manufacturer Tefal reveals that women iron 215 miles in their lifetime. That's 3.5 miles, or two whole days of ironing, every year. Shocked? Appalled? Or are you, like me, secretly rather impressed? Well, wait for it, because this next finding may yet take the wind from your crease-free sails.

Men, according to the same survey of 3,500 adults, manage only 73 miles of ironing in their lifetime. You'd think with all that upper-body strength they'd manage to push the iron a bit further, wouldn't you?

I'm sorry to say it gets worse. It transpires that 45 per cent of men deliberately do a bad job when they finally do get behind the board, in the hope that they'll be banned from doing it for ever more.

Are we that gullible? Are a few double creases and the odd scorch mark all it takes to get out of what is, as far as I'm concerned, tantamount to a domestic art form?

Here's the thing – how can you be no good at ironing? Not willing to learn? Yes, I understand that. Not enthralled? OK, I'll give you that too. But claiming to be intrinsically, unalterably no good at it just doesn't wash.

It's about practice. Ironing is a skill – it takes time to learn just how much steam to use and exactly when a skoosh of water is required. And if that sounds interminably dull to you, then I humbly suggest you've never experienced the joy of a well-pressed cuff or a proudly starched collar.

Men don't want to do the ironing, but they do, in my experience, like wearing shirts that are neatly pressed and trousers with the creases in the right place. I submit trouser presses as evidence for the prosecution (that's me) – a gadget specifically designed for men, whose only purpose is to press. They like the results but they just don't like the work – so how do they negotiate this bind? Why, with the help of their mummies, of course!

It turns out that as many as a quarter of men still get their mums to do their ironing. What? Mothers, I beseech you, please desist. You're not helping. If you really want to do something positive hold an ironing masterclass for the men in your life, then there'll be no more excuses. Full steam ahead!