If there's a trophy lover in this affair, it's not 'Marlon' Prescott

THAT strange cicada-like thrum that you hear is the sound of massed keyboards giving simultaneous birth. Millions of words billowing like coral spore on a moon tide; each responding to an irresistible stimulus: the news that John Prescott has admitted a two- year affair with his assistant private secretary, Tracey Temple.

Mr Prescott's Yorkshire constituents are reported to be "astonished" by the revelations. Astonished? The word has only three syllables and is much too small to convey the shock and awe the rest of us feel. Today, burly men who use a dab of chip-shop ...