Scotsman Obituaries: Fay Jacobsen, lecturer who pioneered use of counselling to deal with loss

Fay Jacobsen's ready smile was indicative of her zest for life

Fay Jacobsen, who has died at the age of 91, used to proudly tell the story of how, at a very young age, she caught the eye of the legendary American singer Paul Robeson at one of his concerts. Spotting her in the audience, a white child holding her black doll sitting on her black mother’s knee, made quite an impression and he sang a song to them.

Born in Plumstead, southeast London, in 1932, Fay was the daughter of Winifred Langton, lifelong communist and peace and social justice campaigner, and Bill Davidson, a builder.

Her parent’s marriage ended early on in Fay’s life, and she was brought up by her mother, her suffragette grandmother Adelaide Knight and grandfather Donald Brown, whose father William was a merchant seaman, born into slavery in British Guyana.

As Fay herself said, “Ours was a very politically active and aware household.” She recalled that in 1936, in her pushchair, she attended a march against the Spanish Civil War, dressed in the Basque national colours with her head swathed in red, ink-stained bandages.

The family befriended some Spanish refugee children who came to London and Fay often talked about her friendship with the dancer Pirmin Trecu, which lasted from when they were children into their twenties, by which time Pirmin had joined the Sadler’s Wells Ballet.

Fay remembered with great affection the wonderful food, music, costumes and dancing at gatherings with her Basque friends. She herself was a keen and talented dancer.

Soon after the Blitz began, the family left London and moved to the Isle of Sheppey.

After the war, her sister Dawn was born, just as Fay left home aged 18 to train as a nurse in London.

In her twenties Fay met her future husband Michael Jacobsen, a German Jewish refugee, at a Young Communist League meeting.

They married in 1956 and settled in Essex where, further to her nursing qualifications, Fay trained and then worked as a midwife, district nurse and health visitor while bringing up her young family of four, daughters Sharon and Yola, and twins David and Jonathan.

Fay ran ante-natal classes and Sharon remembers, as a very young child, going along and lying on the floor with all the pregnant women and putting her teddy on her tummy to join in practising birthing breathing techniques.

In 1965 the family moved to Ulverston in the South Lake District, where they were later joined by Fay’s mother, stepfather Harry and sister Dawn. Fay had a deep love of the mountains and lakes and enjoyed walking in the fells with family and friends in tow.

It was a wrench to leave Ulverston a few years later when the family moved to and settled in Edinburgh for Michael’s work as an epidemiologist and statistician.

When the Open University enrolled its first students in 1971 Fay was there, embarking on a Bachelor of Arts Degree course.

She completed her academic studies while working as a Health Educator, which included running sex education sessions in local schools (much to the embarrassment of her children).

Fay held lecturing posts in Health Education at West Lothian College of Further Education and then in the Department of Nursing Studies at Edinburgh University.

She became increasingly involved in the Scottish women’s health movement in the 1980s and as a member of the Scottish Health Education Group, working as a freelance trainer.

Fay trained as a therapist and, bringing this together with her experience of nursing, co-authored the Living through Loss guide published in 1989 for those supporting people facing loss, outlining basic counselling skills to nurses.

Due to Michael’s work, there followed a period of living abroad in Germany and America where she volunteered at a Rape and Domestic Violence Centre.

When Fay and Michael returned to the UK, they moved back to Ulverston, a place they loved, to be close to her elderly mother, and in 2013 there was a final move back to Edinburgh to be close to her daughter Sharon and son David for support with Michael, who was becoming increasingly frail. Michael died in 2017.

Fay was shy and gregarious at the same time, with an adventurous edge, and she loved travelling.

At every opportunity she shared her love of drama particularly Shakespeare, Art, poetry, music and ballet with her family and friends.

She had a very close relationship with her Orthodox Jewish mother-in-law (known as Mutti) which superseded any potential religious and cultural barriers.

Fay had several important friendships throughout her life including her beloved friend Katla, a fellow OU student who visited Fay regularly in her nursing home until a few days before she died.

Fay’s death leaves a deep hole in the lives of her sister, four children, grandchildren Lottie, Ruth, Joseph, Santiago, Richard, Kristopher and Alexander, great-grandchildren Oisin, Neala and Kyan, her extended family and many friends.

Fay’s funeral will be held at Warriston Crematorium on Friday 5 January, followed by a reception at the Royal Botanic Garden Edinburgh’s Caledonian Hall.

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