Robert McNeil - A swally or two a day keeps the blues away. Warning: may contain traces of bahookie

THERE'S a lot of misery around. Black headlines spell it out: food bills up; petrol extortionate; housing market on the precipice; credit crisis threatening ruin; snails eating our marigolds. These are grim times. Grim times indeed. And, in grim times, many of you look to newspaper columnists for a cheery word, a cheeky wink and a thumbs-up. We're your happy-go-lucky friends, who never dwell on the downside.

A voice among the mob shouts: "Right, that's the last straw!" Many of you in Edinburgh will be marching to Salisbury Crags, intent on bunging yourselves forth. The place is now so popular, they're charging for parking. I bet there are citizens around...