IT GOES without saying, had Fifa's think-tank ever devised a global competition for breaking curfews, getting in the bevvy and upsetting officialdom, Scotland's footballers would, by now, have established an international reputation in the bad boys' World Cup.
If the knack of bringing the game into glorious disrepute appeared to become a dying art in these parts, Barry Ferguson and Allan McGregor did their bit over the weekend during an alleged drinking session at Cameron House, Scotland's base on Loch Lo
mond, to recall the palmy days when an inebriated Jimmy Johnstone impersonated a sea dog at Largs and the Copenhagen Five went on the batter in Denmark.
Perhaps the closest fore-runner to the stushie which marred the build-up to last night's World Cup qualifier against Iceland took place in the spring of 1974 on the Ayrshire coast. Unlike the latest indiscretion, Scotland had just beaten Wales and the players at least had something to celebrate before they faced England.
Willie Ormond, the avuncular manager of the day, had given his lads permission to enjoy a few beers. The session lasted until 4am and the light of a new morning was sparkling on the water when one or two of the players wandered over to inspect the rowing boats lying on the sand. Donald Ford, Sandy Jardine and Denis Law were among the onlookers as Johnstone decided to board one of the craft.
The prank went wrong as the current took the boat out to sea. Eventually the coast guard had to be summoned to rescue the little winger and take him back to the harbour in Largs. Jardine recalls Ormond standing at the foot of the hotel stairs in his pyjamas looking exasperated when the party returned in disarray. "What the hell have you lot been up to now?" he asked.
Ford added: "Later that morning, we went to see wee Jinky in his bed. Jimmy was in his underpants, with his knees pulled up to his chin. He turned to Denis and said: 'What am I going to tell the wife?'"
The coda to that infamous incident was almost as improbable as the maritime mishap itself. In spite of nearly being lost at sea, Jinky's only punishment was a derisory chorus from his peers of "What shall we do with a drunken sailor?" He played against England and inspired a 2-0 victory. As the Scots celebrated, the wee man ran towards the touchline and gleefully gave the "V" sign to the press box.
There were much more serious ramifications for Billy Bremner, Joe Harper, Pat McCluskey, Willie Young and Arthur Graham the following year. Again, the Scots had something to celebrate – Harper scored the only goal in a narrow European Championship qualifying win over Denmark, 24 hours after the Under-23 side had enjoyed similar success. Led by their captain, Bremner, some of the troops went into town for a refreshment before police in riot gear were called to deal with rowdy behaviour. The constabulary let the players off with a scolding and told them to go back to their hotel.
The revelry continued at the Marina Hotel where Jock McDonald, an SFA council member, had his room trashed. The writing was on the wall for the Copenhagen Five when the then secretary of the SFA, Willie Allan, referred to the errant players as the "hooligan element". A meeting of the international committee decided they would not be selected for Scotland again.
Harper and Graham always maintained their innocence and just over 12 months later their bans were rescinded. In his autobiography, King Joey, the former Aberdeen and Hibernian striker gives a vivid first-hand account, how McDonald laid out the Scotland captain that night with a breathtaking right-hook and of a 'Deep Throat' phone call, in the aftermath of the SFA disciplinary hearing, warning him not to appeal the ban. Harper's reward for keeping mum was a trip to Argentina.
While even the scandals of yesteryear tend to be more colourful than today's peccadilloes, James McFadden tried his best in 2002 to pick up the mantle of Frank McAvennie and Maurice Johnstone when he went on a bender in Hong Kong at the end of Scotland's tour of the Far East.
Then a young forward making his name with Motherwell, McFadden missed the flight home to the UK with his team-mates after a night on the town. Having failed to return to the team hotel in time to catch the bus to the airport, McFadden was forced to catch a later flight with Willie McDougall, the SFA's security advisor.
Although there were fears the international career of Berti Vogts' cheeky boy might be over almost before it started – which would have denied the nation the fleeting pleasure two years ago of that astonishing winning goal over France in Paris – the youngster's fulsome apology did the trick. "I felt totally embarrassed, but not ashamed. It was the end of the tour and the end of the season and we all enjoyed a night out," explained McFadden.
As usual in these capers, the SFA didn't exactly come out smelling of roses either. Rather than give a truthful account of McFadden's misdemeanour, it was claimed the airline had only allocated the Scots 40 seats rather than 42 on the flight home. Only when KLM denied this act of damage limitation did the association own up.
