Lost in translation: Archie McWooooof on the week in football

THERE IT IS. The final whistle goes on the pre-match build up and we're off.

Broadfoot really has to do better there, the game is 10 seconds old and he's already struggling to....And where is Hemdani? THAT'S A BETTER BALL, so obviously it was played by Zenit as Rangers can't seem to find their man at the.... Soviets laying siege. DECENT BALL IN. Boyd on the bench there champing at the bit like a Greater Manchester Constabulary alsatian with the scent of sweat and Buckfast in its nostrils. WOOF! Atmosphere building, whole place shaking like we're on the San Andreas Hinkel's fault. Novo on, what can the gallus wee man do? HE LETS FLY. WOOF! Close but no cigar Rangers. See ouall in 36 years.