UNTIL last week, Susan Boyle's singing talents were known only to fellow members of her church choir and to locals of the Happy Valley Hotel in Blackburn.
But after 25 million hits on YouTube, the Britain's Got Talent contestant can count Demi Moore, Oprah Winfrey, Ashton Kutcher and Drew Barrymore among her fans.
But what has really put the cat among the pigeons is Susan's shock confession: "I've n
ever been kissed."
Britain's Got Talent judge Piers Morgan has now gallantly stepped forward with an offer to take Susan out on her first date.
An offer of a slightly less romantic nature came from Russell Brand, who said: "Susan Boyle has pledged to lose her virginity to the winner of a breakdancing showdown between me and her eyebrow. Live at the O2 … I must win that showdown."
Lightsabres, not handcuffs MAY the force be with you – at least if you are one of the ten police officers in Strathclyde who have registered their religion as Jedi. The revelation that some police officers may be engaged in intergalactic warfare emerged as a result of a policy which requires police to reveal their religious beliefs. One unnamed officer told a newspaper: "It shows we are the good guys."
Bright eyes snuffed out THE man who wrote Bright Eyes, for the 1978 film Watership Down has had hundreds of rabbits shot on his country estate.
Mike Batt – the man behind the Wombles and who has also written songs for Katie Melua – said he "deeply regretted" the cull, but the furry pests had overrun his land.
His home in Surrey is just ten miles from the birthplace of the tale of rabbits made homeless by property developers.
Elephant's gay abandon NINO the gay elephant is making waves at a Polish zoo. The creature has been moved three times because of aggressive behaviour towards female elephants, including pushing them in the pool. But his attitude to fellow males is described as "affectionate".
Conservative politician Michal Grzes is mounting a campaign against Nino: "We didn't pay £7.6 million for the largest elephant house in Europe to have a gay elephant live there."
